Drugs and Men

I’ve desired them for a long time, it’s true I have only just turned 19 and if you were to ask me right now how many men I’ve slept with, my face would go blank. I honestly don’t know, but I stopped playing the victim role a long time ago. At least that’s what I tell myself to sleep at night.

 

Face down, ass up in the air. It’s the way most liked it. But why couldn’t they see me to my face? Could they not bare to see the innocence leave my body with each stroke they took?

 

If I had a pill every time I’d wish to take it all back, I’d probably be a fucking crackhead.

 

Drugs and men have so much in common. For the longest time, I’ve desired both. Preferably together, you name it, whatever kept me high enough to endure it for the longest I’ve tried. I’ve tried it all and I’m still not even old enough to drink. It’s that crazy?

 

Days like this I feel the dirtiest, undesirable. I'm disgusted with myself in every way possible.

 

But It’s the only way I knew. I was undesirable until I wasn't.

 

Until I was nude, paralyzed, frozen, and even then I felt so undesirable.