I'm Here For Them Not Me

It's strange how I look out for everybody

I always worry about my friends

Always help them

I'm there if they need to call me at 2am

I'll be their punching bag

I'll defend them

I'll do anything for them

But once my best friend ask me a question that made me see the strange part

You care for everyone, but what about you?

I was shocked

And it was a simple question

And the simple answer was no

No i didn't take care of myself

I'm always trying to help people when I'm the person that needs most help

But I've never taken care of myself

And i don't know how to do that

And since no one notices

I don't receive any help

And even if someone noticed i wouldn't let them

It's happened before

But the feeling of weakness that invades me 

The feeling of crying

It make me shut down

Cus i was taught to ignore my feelings

To be a strong person

To never cry

Open up

Ask for help

That's how I was raised

And maybe i should try to change that

But I'm stuck in this cycle

And i can't get out

I wish I could but i can't

And I'm sorry if my fuerza de voluntad isn't enough for me to take action

But I'm scared

Scared that I'll be judged

Criticized

But at least i can help the people i love the most