Espousing irreverent greed

Crafted one year ago today
yours truly – hopefully self plagiarism okay

worse case scenario,

I would meet ill fate re: kenway
named after Assassin Creed

Black Flag's protagonist.

"Yo, I totally Kenwayed that guy."

by Bilbusbagginzies

Passive stance, but aye agreed

and did promise to pledge troth
faster than greased lightning airspeed

once the missus temporarily
ceased menarche regarding monthly bleed
became in family way with child

thee eldest, whom one day may breed,
when permanently settled

or opting out begetting offspring,

alluded daughter much more mature,

cuz parent trap truly ensnared me,

and I nearly capsized

manning figurative prairie schooner,

I captained poorly

barely surviving emotionally

analogously shipwrecked existence

I must forthrightly concede
done dirt cheap dirty deed.

Unlike das papa, first born proactive

taking preventative measures

to avoid begetting offspring

with college manual, she carefully plots

being masterfully persevering
enroute to notch curriculum vitae
with two additional years of schooling
University of Pennsylvania degreed

well self groomed for succeeding

at aforementioned Ivy League

years before taking

advanced placement courses

at Harriton High School
yielding to positive advisory feedback,

she wisely did heed
shipshape smarts anchors ahoy mate

passed academic challenges

with flying colors
well seasoned life, yes indeed.

Wherefore sexually reckless
behaviour, though I eventually wed

future mother housing zygote,

nevertheless did bungle responsibilities

to exponential powers of ten -

experienced challenges to exceed

capacity of yours truly to handle

whacking thru jungle of lady love

until...making head way
verboten fruit fricasseed

essentially purring kitty
I petted and proceeded to feed

pitched, hitched, ditched

libido in throes of monkish celibacy,
procreating analogous to filigreed

custom made jewel of denial,

bubbling self cleaning oven,

plus compelled tug get willy freed

after being soused asthma gumweed

glommed, where male member
tiptoed thru tulips playing ukulele

playing biological equivalent
risque business "Russian roulette"

pregnancy eventually guaranteed.

Unlike me wily willy cocked,
limp bizkit primed to hawk kitty

then future spouse did not intercede
once peppy begged, connived,
to forego birth control and test virility

attested, claimed, ejaculated, et cetera

arousal without prophylactics keyed

sowing wild oats courtesy yours truly
didst adeptly beg, burrow, knead

testosterone totally tubular
lil trouser snake did proceed
letting call of wild take lead

tube steak king claim for fatherland
heady after slurping boot legged mead

stifled unnatural prime mate years
pent up sexual urge, thus did supercede.

Thence sore relief yours truly did need

for swearing against wearing raincoat

at seminal moment blithely releasing seed
subsequent expense imposed

on fecund counterpart

with snoop doggy dogg speed

generating prickly heat
inducing boner fied stampede

appetite for reproduction

struggling with common sense
(particularly lacking gainful employment)

raising and supporting young ones

incurred courtesy one or more progeny
needs and wants of offspring,

who sprouted like loco crazy weed,

as greater demands imposed
on their mama and papa.