Stricken with anguished nausea

Written three years ago tomorrow,
yet superimposed (likened to
emotional palimpsest) upon

mental state of yore
recent post traumatic stress

triggered courtesy war
torn legally tendered greenbacks,
where enemy bonded, heisted, and netted

mine life savings, he

(who fabricated conspiracy

implicating Citizens Bank employees,

whereby I fell for

hook, line and sinker)

unfailingly didst surrender

willingly (figuratively suctioned)

hand over fist funds galore
at my expense did score
leaving me dirt poor
subsequently inducing scribe

of Schwenksville to be more
assertive and contact attorney general
in an effort to restore
forfeited cash confidence man wrested,
plucked, and extracted banknotes
wrenched stashed nest egg

tucked within secret hideaway under floor.

Psyche still particularly riven

upon heels of liquidated change
spurring yours truly

to rattle his virtual tin can
since series of unfortunate events

doomed harried luckless
Perkiomen Valley troubadour reincarnate
begging (he gently seeketh

financial succor viz gofundme) for largesse.

Even before scamming imbroglio,

I experienced disillusionment

regarding mein kampf and hard times
getting older and just scraping by
courtesy skin of my false teeth.

Impossible mission to avoid senescence,

nevertheless, yours truly sought
to hold back hands of time,
when pubescent metamorphosis occurred
(two and a half score years ago)

aging petrified me, and imposed
(Uriah) heap of great expectations
and unwanted responsibilities.

In short, I did not want to grow up
forced to don mantle of adulthood

instead hankered and hungered

for fictionally nostalgic boyhood,

whereby every day

in make believe webbed wide world

exemplified hunky dory nirvana.

Aside from experiencing adolescent depression
demeanor of yours truly,
said Lilliputian severely withdrawn.

Scapegoat my middle name

bullies identified perfect bullseye

analogous to trumpeting antagonists

me as carnival barker calls out:

step right up draw an arrow from quiver
take aim at mine plainly affixed target.

Deplorable basket case loathed adult role

idealized mythical boyhood

refrained eating - courtesy anorexia nervosa
deprived growing body necessary sustenance

scores of Earth orbitz

round sun since puberty,

now vehemently decry
growth process sabotaged
self stigmatized stunt(ed) man
I stand on tippy toes,
(with nails that grow askew),

a pygmy among giants.

Sadness ofttimes eclipses
hijacked and jackknifed joy
aware emotional faculty

thru conscious facilitated meditation

can jar infinitesimally

long log jammed damn friggin

invisible obstruction along battle creek.

Linkedin with recovery coach,
I experienced then

(that day being July 20th, 2020)
around high noon cathartic enlightenment,

which revelation heightened awareness
how when just a lil lad yours truly

exhibited socially withdrawn mean mien

mollycoddled by overprotective parents

placed no demands upon their

sole contemplative introspective,
and ruminative non prodigal son,
yet upon edging into adulthood
(and magical age of eighteen)
self same idiosyncratic person (i.e. me)
faulted for supposed antipathy
toward those who conceived yours truly;
I honestly confess lack of genuine interest
exhibited toward other family members.

Absent marginal positive self image
infinitesimal if ever present
within grown docile scaredy cat,
his informal assignment
gently suggested and accepted

with little objection

courtesy Maggie Jaramillo

brainchild social services
Creative Health employee.

Daily repeated self affirmations
(ideally more than once)
rapidly jotted down
ennobling exercise prompted
by aforementioned magnificent therapist
strongly suggested technique

to seed empowerment

fostering joie de vivre.

These waning days of
mein kampf and hard times

flicker with cautious optimism to wax poetic
versus referencing anecdotal

personal gloom frequently cited
sprung from raw bits

since powder milk biscuits

unknown to yours truly;
thee focus of disproportionate
maternal and paternal affections

unwittingly, unmistakably, and understandably

triggered sibling resentment
no matter brother where art thou
among self and two sisters
not deliberately, but inadvertently

created, fomented, incited, loosed...

genies of envy, jealousy, ornery... out the bottle
an immediately recalled realization

during my formative years
never known to yours truly then
only recounted decades
ex post facto courtesy mother
some months prior to her death.