The Accidental Celebrity

It was at Watford Gap services I saw The Stukas

And in the Dog and Duck, Soho I spotted Suggs

On one of those long straight avenues in Manhattan Ted Danson appeared

And there in the Plaza was Ivana with a couple of pugs

Was wandering in Manchester and all four Spinners walked past

Katherine Zeta Jones was at the next table to me in a spaghetti house near Leicester Square

Sat opposite Emma Thompson on the tube once

Watching England on the telly in the Green Man, turned round, Chris Moyles is there

Used to drink in the same pub as Mad Frankie Fraser, Hurricane Higgins and Wendy Richard

Not necessarily all at the same time, I’ll give you that

In the Gay Hussar there was once me at one table and Paul McCartney at another

Arthur Mullard was a regular at the White Swan, Highbury Corner, near where I once sat

Walked past Paul Weller on Oxford Street and thought “he’s small”

Stood near Jim Davidson in a bar in Dubai and thought “he’s a twat”

Stood in Wells Street W1 and Goughy and Athers wandered past

Probably up to Lords for a bowl and a bat

Saw Peter Langan hurl terrible abuse at Brenda Bruce in his caff

However, Arnold Palmer seemed a true gentleman when I saw him in the Vilamoura clubhouse after hole eighteen

Davy Jones out of the Monkees seemed a nice chap too

Saw him a few times in our local in Parson’s Green

Patrick Mower liked a game of darts where we hung out in Earl’s Court

Lent a few bob to Bill Legend out of T. Rex as he never had any money

Never got it back so I gave it to him really

He’s an out of context entry here, but he’s included as he was funny

Alan Hudson was enjoying a quiet drink in a bar when I walked in

I was enjoying a quiet drink in a bar when Cynthia Payne materialised

Once got on the same aeroplane as Lyndsay Anderson

Attended a funeral at which Lorraine Chase eulogised

On the pier in Blackpool once I bumped into Ted Rogers

At a church fete in the sixties stood on Alan Spavin’s toe

Saw Billy Graham in a Vienna hotel lobby

Barry Cryer came in the Newman Arms when I was there a while ago

Spotted Ken Stott in the French House but I think he often was

Saw David Bailey in the National Portrait Gallery, typically holding court

Often saw Denis Norden, sometimes here, sometimes there, he was usually about

And Nicky Clarke was at the NPG that day Bailey was, being somewhat overwrought

A few of the famous folk who’ve popped up on my path

But hang on, The Stukas? Who the bloody hell are they?

Not famous in the scheme of things, few know who they are

But at the Hope and Anchor Islington they were famous in their day

The same goes for Alan Spavin at Deepdale where I used to watch him play.