Bunny Suit

I sit here staring down at the pattern
Wondering how I ever ended up here
You're no longer with me so why should I care
Somehow it always leads me back to you

I feel the fabric in my hands and I ponder
Is it the right colour, texture, or price
The tears pool in my eyes
You can't tell me if it's right

While we were never meant to be
I still love you with my everything
The things I would give to have you near
Yet you made your decision oh so clear

I take the machine out of her case
For this is such a sentimental piece
To others it may seem so trivial
I set up my bobbin and thread

Grabbing my wire cutters I sigh
I've got to make this perfect
Cutting and stitching everything with heart
I'll miss you forever my dear

My tears roll down my cheeks
Wetting the fabric just beneath
I wipe my eyes and continue on
This must be done soon

With three months to go I'm rushing
It's been almost ten years since you've gone
Feeling alone with no one else to reminisce
This isn't how I wanted us to go

December is a dreaded month
The cold weather and my empty heart
I know you didn't want me to help
I just wish you had put the gun down

You would be ever so proud of me
The person I've become
I'm slowly seeing who you saw me to be
If only you were here to see me too 

I finish the final stitch and I stare blankly ahead
I joke to myself about duct tape
Feeling you around me I break
How do I get up off the floor

I slowly undress to try it on
Oh how this feels so odd
Zipping up the back I hold my breath
Closing my eyes I walk to the mirror

The tears won't stop flowing
I brace myself for the worst
Snapping my eyes open I let out a gasp
Was this the beauty you always saw

Staring at my body I tremble
While I'm skinnier now I can see what you saw
Standing in this bunny suit I laugh
Unsure if it's genuine or bad

I stand there crying and laughing
Falling to my knees I look away
This was the girl you swore to protect
You're gone now when I need you the most

I try for the zipper but the tears take over
In the fetal position I lay in hysterics
There's no way now for you to see
I can't even look for me

How ever will I handle a whole day
Dressed up like an ever so confident girl
Crying out I wish for your reply
Yet all I hear is silence

A dog barks a singular time down the road
The tears stop long enough to hear
I turn away from the mirror and stand up
Pulling the zipper down I whimper

You always said you get me in one of these
I just never assumed it'd be in memory
Of the wonderful boy I knew back in school
Too many years without you it seems

People tell me it gets better
But I'm not sure I'll ever believe
Almost ten years later I still feel your presence
Tell me now, do you see me how you've wanted

For I finally see the girl you described
Beautiful and confident worthy of this costume
As I change my clothes I steady my breathing
This will do just fine as my gift to you

I stare at the piece as it lay on the bed
All it needs now is the right pair of heels
Picking it up I brush off some fur
Cracking a smile I head to the door

Putting it away until the big day is here
The fear will build up and so will the tears
Getting photos done will surely be hard
Yet for you my dear I will power through it all