Revisiting

I burned my last 6 candles

Several months ago

I never thought to get any more

I never thought I'd need them again

Not so soon...

And yet, here I am...

In this big room

Surrounded by little white flowers

Surrounded by prayer

Surrounded by blessing

So full of people

And yet...it's so...empty

It's so...dull

The light is gone

And...despite all of the people...

This room is empty

It's strange how

Just missing one person

Takes a full room

And empties it

Dust covers what remains

Of everything I once knew

I'm stuck here...

Where past meets future

Here in the present...

And I wish to be

Anywhere else...

Anywhere else but here

I am out of candles...

And low on tears...

But I have a replacement

I have incense

Forget-Me-Not

Seems appropriate now

So I strike a match

And watch it burn

Smoke wraps around me

Embraces me

Welcomes me with open arms

And I let it cloud out my mind

If I focus to much, it hurts

So I let this smoke soothe me

I let it trap me

The smells and the smoke...

I let it take me back

No...I make it, in fact

It wasn't long ago

But it seems like it now

And yet, here we are

Stuck on this dead end street

I want to be anywhere else

Just not here

This dark room...

With only one light hanging

Over the one obvious thing...

Maybe there's a reason?

Maybe we'll figure it out sometime?

Maybe we can move on?

Maybe...these shapes all mean something

I've never understood much...

But we're all broken down

We're all trying to hang on

We're all lost and confused...

You're still here?

I think I'm fine...

No I'm not

That's a lie

One I've been telling myself

So I can sleep at night...

I just saw her...

Not long ago

We all did

But that doesn't seem to mean much

And I just wanna be

Anywhere else...

Just not here...

Not surrounded by these flowers

That won't bring her back

Not...alone...in this room

This room full of people

I found a candle...

And I lit it up

I watched the flames dance

With the smoke still near

In my head...

In my mind...

In my soul...

Anywhere...

Just not here...

I am trying to walk away...

But now I'm back where I began.