Break the Well

When I break down, lay my feelings out to waste and ruin,

When I leave myself vulnerable for more than a second, sobbing by the moon-

Light, while I lay myself bare, I don’t wish for physical comfort. 

I don’t wish to get you caught up in my world of foolish endeavors, the world where nothing truly exists and everyone is happy all the time. 

I simply wish for you to leave me alone, to let me simmer in my feelings as I scream my lungs out, my heart pounding rabid against my chest, the damn thing, as I cry, and cry, and cry.

I wish you never met me in the first place, but now that you have, you must deal with this. 

You must deal with me, in my entirety, in my naked soul and my beating bloody heart.

You must accept that sometimes I can’t be strong. That I’m allowed to sob, to bang my head against the pillows of my youth as I think of what could have been.

I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want to get hurt, myself. So I protect my soul as if it were a lock without a key, a secret garden only I can enter.

Because whenever I let people enter my garden, they step all over the daffodils, the meticulously cared for persimmon plants, and leave it all to ruin.  

Because what is life without spice, right? What is life without feelings, without nights at 3 am where all you can think about is your wrongdoings, as you try to hide yourself from the world, to hide your diseased soul. 

When I break down, lay my feelings out to waste and ruin, 

I simply wish for you to keep my key safe.