i want to be beautiful

I want to be beautiful. You know, I want to be beautiful so bad that one night I got on my knees and begged aphrodite that I would wake up beautiful.

I didn't.

I want to be beautiful so bad that I fall asleep to the thought of cutting off all my fat and I want to be beautiful so bad that sometimes I don't even try to be. I want to be beautiful so bad that I keep eating too much.

But I do try, I try so hard to be beautiful by changing my hair or my clothes or buying new make up or perfume and I might feel beautiful but I'm not beautiful. 

I want to be beautiful so bad that maybe the goddesses in the heavens above will finally listen to my unsolicited prayers and beggings and will finally bless me to be beautiful.

Or maybe the goddesses in the heavens above are sick of my voice and have cursed me to an eternity of ugly.

Maybe only in my dreams will the fat fall off my bones and every day I'll wake up bigger then I was the day before. Maybe I'll keep not trying or maybe I'll keep trying too hard and maybe I'll never be beautiful.