To catch one's breath

 

I can't breathe.

I want to scream,

Shout my deepest fears, 

Tell the stars that I'm suffocating 

Under the weight of my own thoughts. 

 

I can't scream. 

I want to cry, 

Let myself fall, 

Under the pressure 

Of the confusion I am to myself.

 

I can't tell 

If I won't undertand my feelings

Because I'm too complicated, 

Just too much, 

Or  if nobody truly understands themself. 

 

I can't let myself feel.

I can't let myself cry.

I can't let myself think, 

Let myself be 

Without constantly wondering why.

 

I shouldn't. 

I'm exhausted. 

I'm afraid. 

I want to run, 

As if the problem was people 

When it's me, 

Me and my brain, 

Me and the course of my thoughts, 

Imagining the worse, 

Yet not letting myself think about it, 

Ignoring my fears, 

Ignoring myself, 

Running away from this dark introspection, 

Running away, far away, 

Yet never really being able to. 

 

I want to run, 

From who I am, 

Without even knowing who this is. 

Run.

To catch one's breath.