Fretfully aching to feel fit as a fiddle

After experiencing a severe,
albeit violent near lethal bout

of irritable bowel syndrome
(yesterday night August 30^th, 2023)

triggered courtesy dulcolax caplets plus

healthy portion of lentils,
I (a beatle browed, foo fighting,

night ranger needing nirvana)

imperiled me to twist and shout
as a whirling dervish analogous

to F5 tornado bread a deep purple
to kiss earth, wind and fire
hopscotching across terrestrial plain.

Irritable bowel syndrome

in my pinion wracked

lower abdominal area (mine)
bubbled, gurgled and ballooned

sub stomach gastrointestinal tract

vis a vis flatulence crooned
in tandem with subsequent expulsion

explosively eliminated fecal waste
witnessed this scribe forcibly

zipping, sprinting, jetting to bathroom,

self propulsion (a race against time)

nsync with contraction of sphincter muscles'

spasmodically, desperately braced

body electric of mine hurled

at light speed across the universe

courtesy unpleasant symptoms

that mimicked anxiety/ panic attack,

which tortuousness, odorousness, insidiousness,

horrendousness, gaseousness, arduousness...
played mean game of (gastrointestinal

knick knack paddywhack havoc.

Ofttimes in the past

irritable bowel syndrome

affrighted, afflicted, and affected me,

hence yours truly no stranger

to making light of offal plight
and even managing to craft poem

else my alias not mister rhyme stir,

who found himself held hostage
self barricaded in the water closet,
where thoughts about mooning

did not crack a smile,

more explicitly baring derriere

tubby more exact
humor did little to cheer me up -

matter of fact

no source of laughter manifested,
(despite usual presence of chuckles

from this fan of good humor) hijacked
for what seemed a maternity leave

from all mothers tub be

thus envision, a bevy of pregnant gals

aching with cramps heave

ving (times square of the hippopotamus)

with cervix fully dilated key

ping alert, when mother nature ready

to pull out all stops (via umbilical cord)
to deliver bundle of joy followed

in quick succession with after birth re:

placental sack, hence

said effort to expel newborn

the closest scenario

experienced ill suited

to Saint Vitus dance
afflicting this anxiety prone

lovely bones, an all expense
paid (seat of the pants)

accursed bane of proletariat grants
no truce to attend

found me pampered doubled over stance.

Modus operandi to distract
against acute pain crisis
yielded impossible mission

exhibited courtesy haphazard poem

awaiting unsolicited feedback
across rock of ages woke
beguiling ghostly busty spectre
courtesy Marie-Antoinette,
(i.e. bride of France's arty choke
King Louis XVI) bespoke

let him eat cake, and (sic)
send back the bloody bloke,

aye suddenly begot idea rye
Jack Corner of zee desk
didst impale and provoke
moderately painful injury
right side rib cage

analogous to intriguing
unfortunate circumstance
mysterious secret shrouded

as dagger and cloak

(think Alfred E. Neuman,
viz MAD Magazine), yes no joke

lovely bones of me body electric,

(particularly right side rib cage)

severely traumatized, nailed, injured...

crucified oft told umteen times,

yet omitting key mirrors and smoke,

significant Dorian Gray parallel,

when former antique,

viz secrétaire looking glass reflection,
spider hairline fractures radiated

resembled bay of pigs in a poke

ham handedly oinked,
quaked, shattered... broke

into bajillion pieces
deafening, exploding,
glowering thunder stroke
jagged shrapnel size shards

unleashed cosmic force

lacerated, gnashed, beribboned...

impeaching flesh with
one engulfed masterstroke,

no rhyme nor reason aiming to choke

off promising poet (ha) of corpse

resembling scrambled egg yolk
posthumous fame besmoke

salvaged mine besmirched reputation
courtesy humble cartoon character

bugs bunny and kinfolk spoke

daffy fully goofily

eulogizing humor did evoke.