Excerpts from her heart

One day honey you're going to mature; things will start clicking in your brain and you'll start realizing exactly what you have done, how badly you have hurt and broken people, especially me. I'm just warning you ahead of time; that person that you'll become who starts to understand and realize that, will be in absolute mind and soul crushing pain from the weight of your wrong doings; and you'll have two options. You will let it ruin you and you will continue to do whatever numbs you and bounce bad decision to bad desicion doing the same shit and causing more damage and pain even to yourself. Or, or you will finally say enough is enough and you will learn to let yourself feel it for little moments at a time; because you will know letting it all hit you at once and staying in that pain for too long will kill you. That you will finally go get the help that you so desperately know you need and you will begin to grow and turn into the person that I always knew you could be. The pain of what you've done in your past will ALWAYS haunt you. I'm not gonna lie. But the amazing thing is that you can take that pain and hurt and ugliness and you can turn it into something so joyful, beautiful and magical. You just have to be fully committed to actually putting in the work. Even when it gets too hard and even when it's inconvenient. You will learn to NEVER EVER do anything to cause someone this much pain again. Because you will finally know how absolutely suicidally soul crushing it truly is and you will never want someone to feel that same way. It takes work. It's hard. It's emotionally draining and painful. But God damnit it is soooooo insanely worth it and beautiful. And I know from the bottom of my heart that you can do it. After everything you have done to me? I still believe in you. I just wish you did too.