Hollow Be My Claim

a shell of what once was

I search the ruins of what's left standing

an odd spectacle if you're in the audience

it feels staged 'cause he stuck the landing

I feel alone among the crowdiest

sunny days seem the cloudiest

crushed within - stretched from outward

turmoil brewing - masked with happy fest

in my mind's where I need a bullet vest

so intrusive - called me loser - turned me bitter - stole my zest

trapped my sunshine - climate changed

subtle difference - vaguely strange

tough to place it - routing pain

yet its real - manifested strain

micro doses won that race

washing brains - cycled pace

mostly dim - nightly daze

the struggles real y'all

don't tell me what I feel y'all 

from a stumble I stood tall

realized I'm in mid-crawl

your perspective placed my fall

winter - spring - summer and all

fear myself - more and more

love dispatched - to love this patch of man who's broken down to his finale

 layered strife - embedded in me

take a peek - if you will

caution tape - trigger warning

alarm bells - could be harming

it's that dark heavy feeling in my chest

fatigued sleeping from a long night's rest

its the smile at the forefront of a face

camouflaged - nothing left - not a trace

its the want to give and share a joy with others

then subdued - hurt - abused - hopes were covered

its the feeling - hasty needing - gaps and bridging

yet you're caged - full of rage - game for hunting 

its the linger of a doom surely present

soul diffused from the love in my presence

mental health - show and tell - seek an outlet

scary feeling - chased by versions of ‘me’ demons

self-destruction - far too often - sought for comfort

for perspective: non-existence vs struggle

shortly after - loved ones - laughter - turned to sorrow - searching rubble

his bedside table started collecting dust today

seems highly fitting while he morphed back into clay

"he seemed so happy"..."he spoke so highly"...but none were there to hold this ‘He’ man calmly

to want but can't - hourglass sand

counts measured as its cramped

grains of emotions - mixed up into a potion

recycling an emptiness deeper than seven oceans

I buried it to get us safely landing through the war zone

but should've dealt with it assuming it behind me

The optimist within was slowly dying

between your sunny days and nights gone by me

its hard to see the light - perceive things brightly

I want to - I just can't - I'm just beside me

and asking you for help seems so unlikely

not seeking sympathy nor rivers cry me

some memories of joy are left inside me

like when we met - your eyes - heart felt

Geese bumped me - cupid had me scoped and aimed for target

oh joy why won't you come - not hide, but find me

you're waging wars on weary souls - your tolls  result in more than William's  robbing

such joy he spread throughout - yet hopelessly he'd act - and seek out his demise - believing his mind trappings

I wish that I could claim - I knew beyond the fame - how such a soul was wounded and befallen

might save my life - or one you love - so forward share - and post with care - establish joy - relinquish pain - I'm fine, appreciate you kindly