I Have Known Pain

I Have Known Pain

I have known pain.

How to hide it as I live with it

Stuffed down

The muffled sound

Of objections to be silenced

It's latent trait subject to violence

I wait for grey skies

And hope that it will rain

So that my tears blend in unseen

The unacquitted tears

From yester-years 

A smokescreen

I struggle to see past the haze

It’s extreme.

I listen to music on the radio

My voice echoes to the tune

Melancholy melodies 

That wrap like a cocoon

Distant and sad songs

I sing along

Side by side the words

That reflects my pain for so long.

Just like my childhood and my home

The silence of my phone

Strangely comforts me.

Familiar emptiness

Words I can’t express

Memories repressed

I sat there numbly.

Skillfully mincing

Words I don't feel

Meant to conceal

While voices in my head

Breath threats of exposure

- Relentlessly.

Where is the door to closure

I desperately need?

My pain and laughter blend

I wear a smile 

I pretend

And no one is the wiser.

Pain settles like a geyser

Waiting to explode

As I fight the urge to give in and implode.

I runaway I try to hide

I don't know where to run to.

I long for grey skies

That speak of rain

Inviting pain

Like lover's

That cry in ecstasy

I give myself completely

So that my tears remain unseen.