sixteen

a lot has changed since i turned sixteen,

sixteen,

at first, nothing really changed, i felt the same, normal.

but

four weeks after i turned sixteen i got a boyfriend,

i got a boyfriend,

he’s still my boyfriend and i am in love with him. very in love with him. he loves me the same, he’ll try to tell you its more but that’s not true.

four weeks and a couple days after i turned sixteen i told my sisters how i got violated,

violated by a boy from my church over 2 years ago.

i dont like going to church anymore, i havent for the past 3 years. i dont believe in god anymore.

four months after i turned sixteen i told my parents about that same boy.

my parents reacted in a weird way, mostly my dad,

my dad somewhat tried to justify what happened but he also said a lot about the bible and how everything happens for a reason and went on about morals and how what he did to me could’ve been right.

that made me feel weird, now i avoid my dad, which is getting more difficult because i need him to teach me how to drive.

driving, im scared of driving. i did it once and my dad sorta yelled at me a couple times and it made me not want to try again,

try again, i have troubling trying things again. especially when its something i’ll have to do a lot to be good at.

five months after i turned sixteen i went to a taylor swift concert and thought about my boyfriend nearly the entire time. 

the entire time, “i love him”. i still love him, ive loved him for what feels like years, i hope i love him forever. 

i think the concert changed me. i cried in the shower after cause it was over. it was a really special experience, i’ll probably remember it forever.

six months after i turned sixteen i came to terms with what happened and i’ve been doing my best to process it. i kept it inside for 3 years and the first person i told that treated me with kindness and respect was my boyfriend,

i told my boyfriend 3 months before we got together. he told me i was the strongest person he knew, he still does, and he tells me how proud he is of me and how much he looks up to me.

i think he’s very sweet.