Maybe

Maybe it is my lack of father figure 

And the running from hotel to hotel. 

But maybe it is my fear of abandonment  

And the pins and needles of loneliness that accompanies my every step. 

Him.  

He tore my heart as a little girl, leaving boys no chance of breaking me first. 

I don’t understand. It's not like I feel as if he has hurt me so deeply... 

But my day to day has proved to me just how much  

that little girl needed him. 

From the outburst of tears as I see a happy little girl with her dad,  

To the unwanted, unnecessary arguments with my other half. 

I ruin any sunlight that approaches my path 

But maybe, just maybe  

I have something else to blame. 

But maybe it's me. 

There are atrocious books written for other people’s lives, 

And I can't seem to appreciate this short story that has been written for me  

Maybe I deserve it. 

Maybe my story was supposed to be this dreadful. 

Maybe just maybe, I didn’t deserve the father of my dreams. 

My mind is rotten with his betrayal of words and his non-existent presence. 

Maybe one day I won't be fucked in the head and ruin every sunrise  

that comes my way. 

Maybe one day I’ll grow. 

And be okay.