remember, you told me i was nothing but a shame to you?
and we were walking through the woods at night.
kept glassy tears inside, cold under the moonlight,
eyes sparkling with unshared pain and cry
as all the roads we passed seemed angled
remember, you were telling me not to slouch?
when i was young, i used to stare right down
instead of looking high, right at the sky.
but somehow ground always seemed pleasing
now my chest’s so heavy,
now the light silvers these tall pines
while we’re driving.
while we’re moving on
the words, sprinkled with disgust,
i chose not to believe them.
what makes you think i want it?
what makes you think i want you in my life?
do all children like pain, or was i special?
did i do something wrong? tell me.
life’s whirling through train windows, cheap cigarettes and lies —
i’m born in the same woods, calling your name again,
lost in green skies.
-
Author:
17 (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: October 8th, 2023 04:35
- Comment from author about the poem: i’m not sure about anything at this point, i think i’m in artblock again. i hope i don’t sound absurd here
- Category: Forgiveness
- Views: 5
Offline)
Comments2
I don't know what the basis for this poem is, but it sounds like you're dealing with many things in it; Shame, self-doubt, and abuse among them.
You have a gift for phrasing and a poetic skill. This subject is overwhelming to the point of obscuring the poem's poetic value. Your first stanza is where I found the poetic value, the next three were heavy with the weight of the subject matter. Those three were well written, but the subject< for me, buried them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are a gifted writer and I hope that you are not suffering from what you expressed
in your three last stanzas. - Phil A
oh no, i didn’t intend to bury them 🙁 does it look like i overdid it?
i do suffer but don’t we all? thanks for your feedback, it really means a lot to me
WOW this is wonderful , hope you are okay, what ever it is stay stron gurl,
waiting for more poemsss..
thank you so much for reading!!
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