More Ways Than One

My cup is empty
In more ways than one

My 9am cocktail is just about done
And that’s an easy refill
Just a quick grocery store run

But it doesn’t really fill me
Just gets me nice and numb

I guess it helps the day go by faster
DEF keeps my conscience quiet
Coz that **** is loud AF all the time
No matter how hard I try to fight it

See the thing is, I’m really battling with just wanting to do me,
Be a LITTLE selfish
And less concerned of what others think

But there is a DEEP rooted part
of me that does care, and drains me
idk what to do
So, I just grab another drink

You see these “others” I speak of
aren’t just some randoms on the street

But the ones I genuinely, unconditionally love
And whose approval I always hope to meet

I truly cherish these people and  ALWAYS keep them very close to my heart

However, my need of selfishness and solitude seems to really bother them
and I hate that it feels like it’s pulling us apart

I wish they understood
or at least hope they know
these needs aren’t in spite of them
But in light of me to try and refill my soul

Coz lately I’ve been filling these cups
To silently deal
With the negative energy they seem unbothered by
But I heavily feel

So back to my room I go
To get nice and numb

It’s a quarter to midnight, another cocktail is done
My soul’s feeling blank
And My cup is still empty in more ways than one