THE NEVER-ENDING CYCLE

I take a breath in…

It’s a sign that I am alive!

I blink rapidly and everything is clear…

It’s a sign that I can see!

I thank the Creator for giving me a chance to live for another day.

Time goes by, and I forget…

I forget that the Creator has blessed me with yet another day,

I forget that He has blessed me with sight to see,

Auditory perception to hear,

Mobility to use the rest of my body…

I forget that God has blessed me with things others don’t have

Instead, I blame Him…

For it is easy to blame Him than to praise Him

It is easy to run from Him than to be persecuted by the whole world

It’s easy to tell myself how good He is than to share with the world as a whole…

And then…

Then comes regret!

Regret of letting go,

Regret of blaming Him,

Regret of being a hypocrite…

So?

So I hide…

From the pain,

From the darkness,

From the fear of abandonment,

From the fear of rejection.

And so?

So I wait…

For Him to come and hold my hand and lead me out of the dark…

For Him to walk with me so that I am safe,

For Him to turn my cries into laughter…

Then?

Then comes shame!

Shame of relying on Him even though I left Him,

The shame of feeling so undeserving of His love,

Shame of pushing Him away and only calling out to Him when I need Him

The shame of being so shameless

What next?

The never-ending cycle repeats…

Thankfulness!

Forgetfulness and ungratefulness!

Blame!

Regret!

Hiding!

Waiting and calling out to Him!

Shame!

 

~Cerry~