I Fear my Scars

I fear the scars

On my arms

I fear the pain

In my heart

And I fear the happiness

In my head

 

I feel psychotic

Messed in the mind

I am

But no one sees

Who I can be

Just give me a chance

They judge me

With no second glance

 

The scars on my arm

And the stories they tell

My broken sadness

And the way I fell

The stories I write

Through the words in my throat

Sail around my mind

In a boat lit afire

 

The cuts on my heart

Show through my eyes

They see me fall apart

While I disguise my lies

And the happiness

In my brain

Makes me feel high

Even when I want to die

 

I can’t escape this prison

That is my body

It entwines me

Until I’m blinded

By the darkness

I can’t see

And I’m silenced

Beyond control

 

The torture I endure

For myself

By myself

I cut and I cut

And I cannot stop

Only when all the doors are shut

And my voice is gone

The tears can come

 

And it’s like the vision unfolds

I see for me

A person I can’t reach

And the person

I wish I could be

Believe what you see

But that is not me

 

Tell me who I am

And see how that affects

When all they think I am

Is a defect

But please have respect

Because you don't realize

What I've done for you

When you were at your lowest

What I hope for you

During your strongest

 

The person I wish I could be for you

Scars the heart I have for you

Makes me fear of me

For you

 

But I fear the scars

And weirdly not cars

When one could kill me

But when all I can see

Is how to be invisible?

A car makes me feel free

When there's nothing left to even be

Me