Stay

   They think that no matter what they do, you’ll always be there. They think that they can make all these decisions that affect your life and happiness, and you’ll just stick around for the pain. They don’t realize how badly you hurt, that you’re dying inside. That you don’t want to stay…. but they already left.

   There is a sadness that comes when someone you love desperately decides that they no longer love you, or never loved you the way you loved them. A piece of you dies when you see them give that love you longed for to someone else. It eats away at your soul until you don’t know who you are anymore.

   At first you are filled with confusion. Why is this happening? Did I do something wrong? How do I fix this? Then you are filled with anger. How dare they? I gave you everything. Who does this new person think they are? They are destroying everything you hold dear.

   After the anger comes distrust and constant anxiety. Everything they say or do comes with a grain of salt. You want things to go back to how they were before, but you hold them further than arm’s length. Your heart is guarded, and you don’t know how to let them get close to you again. Anytime they are on their phone, or they disappear for a few minutes too long you get scared things are progressing further away from your dreams.

   Eventually you are blessed with the realization that no matter what you do they can’t love you the way that you want to. It’s no longer that they won’t try. You are still angry at the new person, and you rightfully hold blame on them for entering your lives and stopping you in its tracks.

   The one constant you will feel throughout each phase is the soul crushing pain of loss. You will grieve the loss of your love as if they died. Knowing that they could choose someone over you and your family is so devastating that it’s almost incomprehensible. What hurts even more is when you finally understand that even if they decided to come back to you, you won’t want them to. Even if they did everything to make up for all their mistakes, that pain that they caused left a scar that will never be healed; not by them.

   They don’t accept the pain they have caused you and are blind to the wrong they have done. They destroyed something so sacred and continue to act like it was just a part of life. Your hope is gone. Shattered like soft glass on a stone path. The thing that once gave you life is choking you at night. Yet they believe you have no reason to leave. They are delusional in thinking you will forever stay, and you owe it to yourself not to.