Wax

I've never noticed them before

Until they were brought up

These strings on my wrist

My ankles

My head

Maybe in my brain

 

And I move stiffly through this life

Always drawn to flames

Though they burn

And they melt me

 

"I can just add more wax"

I say, confident in this solution

Even when bits of me fall off

 

I'm safe in the cold

In the dark

Alone

Without others around

But I'm drawn to heat

 

And I never want to feel this

This broken and melted again but

I do so desire to feel that warmth again

I do so wish to have that melty feeling

 

I've been watching through Windows

Mimicking behavior

Trying to find the right clothes

The right gestures

The right face to match

 

I find that every face I try

Seems to draw people in

I don't remember what mine looked like

 

I find people drawn to these thoughts

I'm unsure if they're mine

Even though they come from these lips

On this current face I present

 

They say not to change

But then they melt parts off

And I have to apply new layers

They force changes they claim they don't want

And they leave me with new scars

 

But then some new people came around

Less plastic looking then the others

And I know this is bad

I've been burned before

But I can't help being drawn to flames

And I've always loved tragic endings

 

I cautiously approach this fire

Unaware how dire

And I reach for it slow

Only to be grabbed and not let go

 

I feel myself panic

I don't think I remember how to be organic

I've been wax for so long

What if I do it wrong?

 

They keep a hold

As I kick and scream

This has to be a dream

But I'm not sure if it's bad or good

 

I've never once been real

But I've never been this close before

So keep me in your grasp

Despite how I know I'll fight

It hurts for a moment

But hopefully I'll get through it

 

I feel layers and layers fall off

Run down the drain

You're melting me

How the hell are you doing that?!

What if what's underneath is ugly

Unrecognizable

I don't remember what it was

 

I've always put on new faces

There are no traces

What if it's a monster underneath?

 

I beg and plead, but I don't know for what

Happy faces draw me close

Flames surround me

Strings suddenly fall and I freeze

What will I be without these strings

Guiding me

 

I jerk backward, not sure if I can mend this

Not sure if I want to

This dancing flame is different somehow

 

I've spent so much time at windows watching

I'm sure I know what not to do

But these people seem less plastic

The flame less manufactured

 

Again, I'm pulled in

Melting away

Maybe I might like it?

Maybe I might stay

 

Maybe this more gentle flame

Has a better aim

I don't remember how to be real

But maybe they can show me

 

Maybe I can let them melt me

Just please...

Don't leave me back on that shelf

Where I always seem to end back up

 

I've never been real once in my life

But I've never been this close before

Maybe this might be a great adventure

 

Just please don't leave me in my puddle of wax