Self Induced (Swap Places)

Can I wake up tomorrow

As someone nicer to themselves?

Someone less worried

About every word they place

Importance on persons they can't see

Go back to sleep

Vivid visions of worlds beyond

Stay away from windows

You can't bare to see out of

Unconsciously grasping
What you can't have
Because happy daydreams
Is all the happy you have

Trapped in rooms
Filled with poppy fog
Drifting away

Self induced grogginess

Self induced lethargy

Because awake hurts

Memories hurt

People hurt

Embrace the jaded dead

Staying here feels so much better

Wrapped in red clouds
Weary and waiting

When everything you say is wrong
And everything you do goes wrong
What is left to do?
When the universe seems to hate you?

When all you do is think to hard
So everything falls apart
And you must speak through other people
Because so few understand you

That's not what I
Meant
Let me just build a problem

Unknowingly

Carry words like bricks

It's exhausting

Throw them all away?
I didn't know I had them

Pretending there's not a weight

A care in the world

Just try to be different

It's that easy

Can I swap places

With someone who doesn't

Constantly want to be

Someone else

How do I stop

Pretending?

Pretending?

Am I even pretending anymore?

How do I stop feeling like this?

I thought I'd know what I was doing

By now

At least a little

But now I just wanna know

What it's like to not have to try

I thought I'd know what
I was doing by now

But I'm to busy dreaming up different realities
Where I don't have to be

Me

Anymore

Because I hate myself

When I see myself in a reflection

Flip all the mirrors around

Somehow I'm so self aware

I miss parts I can't find

Who are we so afraid

To be?

To end up?

No matter what I do

It seems to repeat

To repeat

To repeat

Pretending

Every day

To sleep and become

Another me

A better me

So exhausted

I can't help myself

I can tell myself

So many times

Maybe I can't see

Maybe I'm blind

To dark corners

I put in shadows

Taking places I want to be in

Whether I belong in them

Or not

They take

And they take

And I try

And I cry

And I self induce

Sleep

To hide

Even when I'm at your side

Fog sets in

I see red

Before I drift away

Go back to sleep

Swap places for a night

Because it's all you can do

To stop having a breakdown