I am sorry , I'm Tired and Broken wings. Poem, by Lil-M-M, at My poetic side

Notice of absence from Lil
If I don't respond in a few minutes I am probably at School, sleeping, with family/ friends, or forgot to bring my device. Or grounded.

"I Am Sorry"

I can't shake the fact that you asked me out,

But I don't want to hurt you or see you pout.

I like you; you like me, but there are other guys I like as well,

GO AHEAD JUST PUSH ME DOWN THAT WELL!!!!!.

I said I would think, but I'm not ,

I am sorry

I'm just sitting here to plot.

plot on how to let you down easy,

I am sorry

I can't think I really can't

LEAVE ME before I HURT YOU

Just leave me

you said you will never leave,

But what if I did something

that not even you could forgive?

What if I made a I don't know who I am anymore

I sense I'm a complete stranger to myself

They say time heals all things

If time heals, then why do I keep stressing -

And cannot heal myself?

a mistake

that would make your heart break?

some one tell me

how do I explain to him my worry

I love him madly

but so scared of hurting him badly

I'm a born to screw up and make a thousand mistakes

to not break your heart I'll do whatever it takes

and as the minutes, hours, days, months and years go by

I'll be hoping and praying that I'll never be the reason that you cry

I promise that you'll be

the only when your with me

you the one, the only one

the only man I want under this sun

After if I let you down will this be my life now

"'Today as I went home,

even if I'm with my friends, I feel so alone.

Thinking of you made me feel so blue,

for you love her, and I'm in love with you.

This heartache makes me want to cry,

but instead of tears, I express it with a sigh,

for I don't want them to see

that I'm crying, because I'm falling for you badly.

"It's just a little crush," that's what I say,

but it's making a big hole when I see you every day,

for when I follow your stare, it leads to her,

and sometimes, I feel like tears are going to make my vision blur.

I know it's pathetic, but when you talk to me

I feel so pleased and happy,

but still, I know that you're not going to love me

'cause your heart belongs to her completely.

You're just a fantasy,

and you'll never love me in reality.

I know that someday you're just going to be a memory

that I will remember when I'm lonely.

But someday is not yet today.

It still is far, far away,

but I wish you'll notice anyway

that my heart is breaking,

and even though I'm smiling,

And oh yeah i forgot

DUDE you'll never hurt if you leave me alone.

SO I say I am sorry

Leave me alone

1 I'm tired

I'm tired.
Tired of the constancy,
the constancy of judgment.
Tired of hiding,
hiding who I really am.
Tired of trying to stay strong.

I'm tired.
Tired of pretending,
pretending to be happy when all I want to do is cry.
Tired of not being able to let go,
let go of all the pain and emotions that consume me.
Tired of feeling worthless.

I'm tired.
Tired of being put down,
put down by the people I felt closest to.
Tired of dreaming,
dreaming of a life I will never have.
Tired of not being good enough.

I'm tired.
Tired of remembering,
remembering how I used to be so happy.
Tired of the blame,
the blame I put on myself daily.
Tired of the anger.

I'm tired.
Tired of crying,
crying in the shower so nobody can hear.
Tired of the fear,
the fear of being judged, hurt, and alone.
Tired of failing.

I'm tired.
Tired of holding on when all I want to do is give up.
Tired of being tired.
Tired of being me.

2 Broken Wings

I tried to tell you

Now it's too late
I sit waiting
At heaven's gate

He abused me, Mom
You never seemed to care
Now I lie in a black coffin
Full of despair

How many times
Did you hear me cry?
Did you ever think
It'd get so bad I'd die?

I am an angel now
With long white wings
Flying higher each day
No longer feeling his stings

I'll watch over you, Mom
Do what you didn't do for me
You pretended not to hear
Pretended not to see

Now you wait at heaven's gate
Just as I once did
You have now come to realize
The pain that I once hid

Thousands of tears
Rush down my face.
Inside my mouth,
Blood is all I taste.

Blow by blow I take
the hits.
Through all of it
Not a sound I make.

I bite back
every ounce of pain.
Through hitting me
what does she gain?

A thousand tears run
down my face,
but not a single
sound escapes. But

Behind my smile lie my fears
Behind those laughs I hide my tears
I'm one of those you call fake
And the more I go the more I ache

I have a dark secret I cannot tell
Sometimes it feels like a wizard's spell
I've been told it's not my fault
How could I know it was assault?

I still see him everywhere
Why is that? It's so unfair
He took away my innocence
He forced me into silence

They say I should forgive
But he's made my life hard to live
I see him in my dreams
I hope he can hear my screams

It isn't fair that he's free
He ruined my life the day he molested me
I try to move forward
But it's as if I'm anchored

I'm trying real hard
But still I'm so scarred
I try to hide my pain
Even though it drives me insane

To you I may seem happy
But deep inside I'm really angry
Because behind my smile lie my fears
Because behind those laughs I hide my tears
I'm the one you call fake
Some days I just wish people knew how much I ache

I am not kind in answering the call that detonates like a bomb,
But before my brain leaks in my lap, I am.
My nails are in my mouth again
And Brain Damage stops and I blink for the first time since…

Without movement, without traffic, I’m already there.
The living room’s hot, the kitchen is worse,
And I refuse to touch the handle of the bedroom
But it opens like it always does.

There’s a smudge on the floor and a child next to it
The rug is brown, but I know it’s purple.
She’s in her marker-covered Montessori clothes
For the second year in a row.

Nothing moves but her hands, small rocks on the floor.
Nothing moves her like silence, the peace of neglect.
Nothing moves like her permanently fixed gaze, since birth.
And nothing moves.

I can see her inhaling the smoke,
And I know she can’t see the fire.
And maybe nothing is burning,
But I’m too old to know that’s not true.

I feel the flame tap my shoulder as a solid reminder
As she grabs her chubby fists to shovel ash into her pocket.
Like breathing life into a dog that’s already dead,
Like her picture pinned to the fridge.

I pick her up and she’s gasoline in my hands
And I know too much not to let her go.
Soot falls from her lashes, as do tears
And both cling to her sticky cheeks.

My vision blurs, the smoke’s the same color as the sky.
Her fists dig into my back and her feet dig into my chest with protest.
But we sit still on the concrete with big eyes and closed lips
Shielding ourselves from whatever may come out of the fire.

Nothing does.

She doesn’t know that she can cry, and I won’t wait to hold her.
She can scream, and I will still feed her.
She can damn me to hell with every freshly learned curse
and I will still love her.

She will want to run back to the house engulfed in flames,
And I will not let her.
I would never walk through hell with her,
Because I would never lead her there in the first place.

There is too much pain in me to be the one to hold the Zippo
And too much love left not to try.
And I will show her that your claws are just nails,
And we will learn to sleep again.

I will just wipe the debris off the sheets.

Author: Lil-M-M (Pseudonym) ( Offline)
Published: November 28th, 2023 06:41
Category: Sad
Views: 10

I am sorry , I'm Tired and Broken wings.

Lil

Comments1