Dear mom and dad,
I wish you knew i was trying
Cause everytime i mess up
I feel like i fucked everything up
I don’t just remember one thing
I remember everything
I remember the times where
I was just being myself
But some how i did it badly
I try to fix things
and mess it up even more
Mom, Dad
I wish you knew i was trying
I got stuck trying to be perfect
Just a few years ago everything was simple
Now everything hurts
And i’m stuck
Waiting
And i’m not sure what i’m waiting for
Cause i want to die
Cause I hurt
But if i die then others hurt
And somehow that hurts me more
I wish you could look in my head
And finaly understand
All the things i couldn’t have said
I wish i was a better kid
I wish i could have the this i never got
I wish i could get better
But i know i can’t
Can’t you see im trying
But i don’t have the energy anymore
At this point i just want to fade away
Im sorry for being a disappointment
I'm--
I'm sorry
Dear brothers,
I’m sorry
I’m sorry i couldn’t be who you thought i was
i ‘m sorry that i was ment to be your role model
I’m sorry i wasn’t good enough
I wish i was better at being your sister
You deserved more
I didn’t deserve the way you looked at me
Like i was this
Perfect person
Every time you look at me like that
I feel like a liar
A fake
A phoney
A fraud
I’m sorry for not being able to stick around
And i hope you'll be fine after im gone
I hope you turn out better than i did
I hope you chase all your dreams
And stay you
I’m sorry i couldn’t stay to see you reach your dreams
But now i get to reach the stars
I’m sorry please don’t be mad
But i have to go
It’s for the best
Dear friends,
Im sorry for not being a good friend
Im sorry i couldn’t help you
I’m sorry if when i go away
It ends up hurting you
But im hurting more right now
And i just want it all to end
Im sorry for being such a shitty person
And a sob story
I’m sorry for making you worry
And i’m sorry that you wasted time with me
I hope you don’t take this personally
Cause the time i had with you was fun
It just wasn’t enough for me
I hope you won’t hate me for leaving
But i have to go
The voices say so
It was nice while it lasted
Im sorry
Im sorry for lieing
With my words
And with my smiles
To myself,
I’m sorry for hating you
For making fun of you
For judging everything you did
I’m sorry for not getting you help
I’m sorry for making you feel like shit
I’m sorry for making you help other people
For making you try to still others hand
When yours were shaking
I’m sorry for not taking care of you
Im sorry for hurting you
I hope you’ll be able to heal
I hope you’ll find peace
In the center of a storm
I hope you can find calm
In the edges of hurricanes
Im sorry for making you lie
Every day
And in every way
Im sorry for making you deal with demons
Im sorry for making you share space with
Voice, Emotion, and Mask.
I’m sorry for making you act like you were fine
When you clearly weren’t
Everbodies lives are stories
And everyone has a chapter
That they don’t read out loud
Im sorry for making you hurt
And for making you help
Im sorry for not letting you feel
what needed to be felt
I’m sorry for everything
Im sorry for making you go through hell
Sorry for not helping you
Im sorry
I’m sorry for not being able to listen
Im sorry for not believing you
For the times you spent trying to help
All of it going to waste
Im sorry for not being able to help myself
Im sorry for not being able to fight anymore
Im tired of being around
And tired of being the one fighting
I just want to sleep
And to sleep forever
I’m sorry that you had to live with me
To the crooked man
Ha ha
Looks like you won
You’ve been pushing me to do this
I would have thought youd finally be happy
But nothing makes you happy
Does it?
Looks like you won
Why are you laughing
Is it cause i didn’t take enough pills
I didn’t cut deep enough
Did i tie the ropes too loosly
Why are you still here
Looks like you won
Don’t you have someone else to taunt
I know im a coward
I know im weak and pathetic
I cant help anyone
Much less myself
You were right
I’m useless and nobody really needs me
I think im gonna need a push though
Youve been there for me
Nothinng too bad will happen right?
You said so
Sure, some people will be sad
But theyll get over it
They always do
Don’t worry nobody’ll miss something like you
A freak
Misfit
Brat
USELESS PIECE OF SHIT
JUST DIE ALREADY DAMNIT
Take another pill
You’ll feel better after
One, ten, thirty
Tighten the ropes
Cut a few more times
Just for good luck
Take a breath and just jump
Trust me it will be fine
Just let go
…………..
………...
…....
…..
...
..
.
ok
bye
- Author: Sam.C ( Offline)
- Published: December 1st, 2023 08:15
- Comment from author about the poem: this almost was a suicide note for me. I did get better, relatively speaking. For an explanation of the crooked man. He essentially is a character that has often shown up in my dreams. if you can't tell from the poem the bolded area where i "write" to the crooked man is essentially what he says... along with some other things. i have a poem about him that I've written that i might post soon. also the phrase "Voice, Emotion, and Mask" refers to my first poem that I've written. It's not one that I've posted yet but i do plan on posting it sometime soon
- Category: Family
- Views: 11
Comments2
I don't mean this insensitively - there's the joke: 'Keep taking the tablets, and you'll be better'.
In this case here, don't keep taking the tablets! Doh!
don't worry. it was just a bunch of melatonin. the amount I took probably wasn't healthy but it was better than me getting the Tylenol out. I probably should be medicated but that would require talking to my parents.
........................................I jus-- Just don't know what to say. Wait yes I do I am so so so very sorry for what you've been through. Just plz keep it cool.
thanks. I started going to therapy and I've found some better coping mechanisms along with poetry
To be honest therapy sucks I mean it's ok but it just sucks.I know because I'm in it too.
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