life.

my life so far
has not been as poetic as i have hoped
there have been poetic moments
growing up and leaving all the abuse behind
learning to express trauma as i write
reuniting with loved ones 
and long-distance love letters 
prioritising my inner child

i think there will always be poetic elements
moments to romanticise 
but there has also been 

death
hurt
struggle
kneeling on my floor
begging to be heard
repetitive words

allegations
the person i loved most in the entire world
being accused of something that makes my stomach churn

uncertainty 
reading between the lines to define
if his words are truths
or lies

growth
trying to expand self-love 
to feel secure without male validation
trying to write about the process
without feeling embarrassed 

learning
attending appointments
answering phone calls
without shaking hands
a rapid heart rate
flushed cheeks
and a stutter

realisation
learning my body
was never made for perfection
it was made to give me life

pain
living in an adult's body
feeling like i haven't aged

expression
regurgitating every emotion
tears and ink
damp notebooks
stained fingers

and love
prayer
scripture study
faith
repentance
acceptance
learning not to judge so harshly

my life will always have poetic elements
and struggle
but i must keep going 

i must endure to the end
so i can continue
to hold your hand. 

23:52pm - 07/12/23.