I Couldn't

A December day, with cold and rain.

I remember that street where we felt our pain.

I knew I’d never see you again.

You crawled into my coat as we held tight.

I breathed you in knowing this would always be right.

Forbidden love is always the most intense.

And we will often do what makes no sense.

You held your drink as you stared.

Telling me you were not a girl.

Those words changed my world.

As I stared back at you, I knew I did not care.

For you wore bangs in your hair.

And when you smiled lines appeared I never knew were there.

I loved the essence of your beauty you laid bare.

Yet I knew that no matter how hard I believed in our love.

I could not fight nor had the courage to be the one you wanted for that love.

For perfect love when it comes…we believe it could never be true, nor deserve.

And I knew I didn’t deserve you.

You looked at me and asked, can it be like this every day?

I just held you tighter for I the words I could not say.

Of course, it could be, yet I denied you and me.

And now as I sit, old and bent in this chair.

I still see those bangs in your hair.

And when you would ask me…am I the girl you want and need?

You were and are, Stephanie.

And I’m so sorry.

Chances at love come in ways that only our souls know.

To deny it, creates only sorrow.

I denied you for no one would understand.

It wouldn’t have mattered if I was what you wanted me to be…Your man.