First Move, Last

I know what's best for me
So why do I want that instead?
Why do I want what isn't safe
But known?

An old pile of shit
But at least I know the smell
I'm so afraid
Of new steps
Because they're unfamiliar

I know I need to leave
I know I need my own way
But I'm petrified I'm signing
Away your life to do so

I don't even like you
But I love you
What the hell is that?

An embilacle desire
To see the best in someone
Who's repeatedly proven to not want the same

Consciously or not
Actions and inaction are louder
Then any words you speak

So why the hell am I so afraid?
I've been talking about moving for a year
But now the time is here
And I'm frozen in space-time

And I cry into my pillow
And I shiver
And I shake
Because I don't know what I'm doing

I've never done this before
Thanks to you I've barely left the state
Thanks to you I've barely left the house

I'm not prepared for anything
Because you neglected to show me
In hopes you could keep me there
Why is that?

Mamma bird never taught baby how to fly
Now baby's scared of heights
And has to fly to get anywhere

You don't know how to take care care of yourself
And neither do I
Because I've been to busy tending to you
To remember myself
And now I'm here...

I know I have to move
I know it has to be out of your reach
Because mamma bird will try to put me back
But I need to fly

My legs are shaking
My eyes are wet
I'm afraid because you couldn't be bothered
To show me how to survive on my own
I have to learn all by myself
What to do

If I look back
I'll fall
I'll stumble
Crumble to my knees

Sometimes I wonder
What could have been different
If we'd have just gotten the help we needed
Before it got this far

If help wasn't so expensive
If we had any follow through back then
Sometime I wonder if we could have been different

But right now time away is all I have...
Right now escaping your nest is all I can do
I'm sorry
I promise...