Somniferous

I run from a past
No one believes
But carry meaning
Kept from lessons learned
Only in the most difficult ways

They try to pull me under
Bury me in oceans
But I live amongst the waves

Medication
Capsules kept close
An addition
To a fantasy
Only found locked in my head
Depths of blue and green

A mimic of myself
Programming failing slowly
Just keep smiling
Just keep talking
Just keep them from asking
To many questions
To answers you don't have

The dark can only help you
If you can still find the light
But it's all wrong
If you can't get away
To leave it alone
To keep it at bay

So come back some time
Even if you can't be seen
Or recognized

I don't care what you want
I only want what's mine
Fought hard for a semblance of kindness
A dream I can't obtain
So I'm somniforious

Sleep walking
Keep talking
No one hears
But it's worth the effort
Just to seem human
While days drag on

Is it this I want?
Or just some notion of
Something I can't wrap my head around
But quells the sounds of echos
Washing through my mind
Who's sources I can't find
And voices I can't make out

Only that reality fills me with doubt but
Dreamscape quells the roaring heart
And broken mind
Or perhaps the other way around
I'm not myself with my feet on the ground
I mimic behavior deemed acceptable
What I'm told to say
When I'm told to act

Keep my body on autopilot
So my mind is free
While in reality I'm last to none
Tearing at the fabrics separately
But can't make a hole big enough

So I stay asleep
Bury the sunlight
I know that it's not right
But when all you've got
Is a pencil
And a dream
Sometimes all you can do
Is walk a path lined in stardust

Fairy glamour fades
But I have bills to pay
And all I want to do
Is not hate most of my life
For a precious few moments of pleasure

When all is lost
And no one wins
What do you have then
Wasting your life away
Skipping stones to make small ripples
If happy you can attain
But only for short times

A plastic life
Playing a part of a machine
You're locked in
What then?

Which of us is somniforious
If I actively choose sleep
And you unconditionally choose blindness

Close your eyes
Drive away any thoughts you may have
Give up your dreams
And give up the pain inside
Stay hollow
Don't admit
Or acknowledge
The paths you leave for those who walk behind

I can't go on that way
I can't pretend to be happy anymore
With the paths you enforce
Cold and crippling shadows
And coming undone within

I will stay here
Cold but alive
Follow no path
But the stones I place myself

And if I must
I'll stay unforgiven
And I'll sleep only in faithless fabrications
Of a reality in which I don't belong
In a place I don't believe in
But know is real