FROM SANTA CLAUS XMAS 2011

written twelve years ago
when yours truly about two score
and twelve years old,
and fishy financial fiasco
about twenty six weeks
before being scalloped
courtesy villainous fraudster
otherwise known as scam artists,
blithely, glibly, and pliantly
fleeced with shear trickery
my coveted nest egg.

 

TO: TWO PRECIOUS HARRIS LASSES
WHO LIVE ON GREENTREE LANE

THIS FAST APPROACHING CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY

AS WILL READILY BECAME PLAIN

RECEIVED A SPARTAN GOVERNMENT LARGESSE

WHICH AFFORDS PRESENT
ONLY ONE BOX OF COAL APIECE

DISAPPOINTMENT THIS PA
HUMBUG HO HUM FELLOW
WILL TRY TO EXPLAIN.

 

OUTRAGEOUS COSTS
TO CLOTHE ELVES
WHAT WITH DESIGNER CLOTHES

AND THE LATEST TECHNOLOGICAL GIZMO

NEARLY BROKE THE PIGGY BANK

IN ADDITION TO FEED THE REINDEER
COMPOSED OF BUCKS AND DOES

THIS I TELL YOU
TO BE EARNEST AND FRANK

WHICH GRUELING BUSINESS
NEARLY FOUND LITTLE ASS(ETS) FROZE

THIS GOVERNMENT ACTION
NO HALLOWEEN PRANK

NEARLY FOUND ME BEHIND BARS
ADDING TO UNFORTUNATE WOES.

 

SMALL TOKENS ACQUIRED
BY THE ABILITY TO SCRIMP AND SAVE

A PITTANCE COMPARED
TO LAST YULETIDE

YET NO INTENT TO BE MEAN SPIRITED
NOR RANT OR RAVE

FOR BOUNDLESS LOVE SPILLS FORTH
FROM SENSITIVE PRIDE

NO MATTER SOME
PERCEIVE ME UNSAINTLY
PURSE NICKETY KNAVE

RANK AS A WORSE CREATION
THAN FRANKENSTEIN’S BRIDE.

 

TRY TO REMEMBER
TIS THE THOUGHT
FROM WITHIN TO GIVE EACH

AND EXTEND THE SPIRIT
OF GOOD CHEER

THAT COUNTS MORE
THAN SPEND LAVISHLY
AND TO REALLY TEACH

SO CHERISH EACH
AND EVERY MOMENT
WITH PASSION TO SPARE.

 

NOW ONWARD AND UPWARD HO

WITH THE SOUND OF SLEIGH BELLS
BACK TO THE NORTH POLE

THIS POOPED OUT HERD WILL GO

AND THE EXPECTED GIFT
FROM THE MISSUS A LUMP OF COAL

PLUS A LAUNDRY LIST
OF DUTIES PERFORMED

WHILE ENDURING TEMPERATURES
(INCLUDING WIND CHILL FACTOR)

THAT FEEL LIKE…

WELL BELOW ONE HUNDRED BELOW.