To Whom It May Concern PT. Games

You keep on playing games with me
Games
You keep trying to convince me
Of your aims

You tell me to grow a backbone
A spine
Have a mind of my
Own

But every time
Every
Time
I try to tell you
Anything that goes off course
From what you wanna hear

I'm under control
Manipulated to say
Speak words that aren't mine
If you didn't place them there
For me to use
Someone else did
It's someone else's abuse

Someone else's
Someone else
Because I can't get out
Of this loop I'm stuck in

Over and over
Over and over

You tell me to stop saying
What ever I think you want to hear
Stop yes manning you
But when I stop
And try to speak
My words don't belong to me
In your head

In your head each word I say
Means something else entirely
In your head each thought I speak
Was put there by someone else

And I'm getting sick
Of these
Games
I don't understand
Your
Aims

You tell me to get out of the control
The control
But who's in control?
From one controller to another
Just act as a non-player I... suppose

Get out of one's hands
So I can what?
Play into yours
While you insist what you're doing is
Best for me

Best?
Like how the first controller did?
Leaving out all the pain
In my
Head
As it spins
Like the joystick you found
To lead me with

Through the instructions away
No guide needed
Ragdoll
Pulled from one
Player
Two
Never sure what to do

I try to speak
But according to you
The thought is-
Never mind

Never worth the effort
It takes to show you
Part of mine
While you stick to me
Your own words
Force feed them into my mouth
So you can claim they're mine

It doesn't matter what side
It seems
I'm not particularly comfortable
On either
I'd rather not be involved

Every word from my lips
Glossed over
Shining coats of doubt
You care
Either of you

And I just sit here
Waiting for my strings to be pulled
And my mouth to be moved
Based on what side has chosen
To pick me up
To speak to me today

I can't say thoughts to either
Because both see the other
As the puppeteer
Both seek control
Both claim to wish me free
Both sides want my strings
While claiming to be cutting them
From the other person

It's fun playing games with me
Games
You run
And I don't get to see the ends of

Your

Games

Either way I lose
There's no winning here
No choices for less casualties
No lesser difficulty

Difficult...
Stuck in default
Factory mode
With defects I can't
Quite work out

You know just
Exactly what
You're doing