Ain't Okay

I ain't okay
I'm really struggling these day
I ain't okay
Even if I say I am
I ain't okay, ain't okay
I always say that I'm fine but
I ain't okay
When you ask how I'm doing I always say that I'm good but
I ain't okay
I've been dealing with shit that you just wouldn't understand
I ain't okay, ain't okay
Wanting to die everyday
I ain't okay
Not wanting to ever wake up when I fall asleep
I ain't okay
Every hour feels like a damn week
I ain't okay
Going fucking crazy
I ain't okay, ain't okay
Trapped in my controlling mind
I ain't okay
Repeating negative thoughts all the time
I ain't okay
I swear I'm loosing my fucking mind
I ain't okay, ain't okay
I ain't okay, ain't okay
I'm loosing my fucking mind
Hearing demons all the time
Just want to leave this Earth behind
Either go to Heaven or Hell
All I ever hear are these demons yell
And they say:
You're worthless
You're useless
You have no purpose
On this Earth's surface
So just leave
Just leave
No one will even notice if you leave
So just leave
Cuz you got no purpose
You ain't worth it
You're just worthless
You ain't worth shit
So just leave
And I believe
What they are telling me
This shits on a repeated cycle, constantly
So lately all I have been doing is laying in bed
Getting wasted, drinking till the world starts spinning
Really been thinking
Of taking my life
Every night, trying to fight
These demons away
Just wanna find my way
But I've been drinking everyday
Shot after shot
Trying to hide these thoughts
So I only turn to you
When I don't know what else to do
So tonight guess what? Yeah
I got wasted cuz I didn't want to deal with myself tonight
My thoughts get drowned until I feel alright
But I never feel good
Cuz I ain't okay
I ain't okay living like this anymore
Rather be a ghost and see my dead body on the floor
Blood flowing out of that fucking bullet hole
Trust me I ain't okay
If you saw the shit that's going on up in my brain
On the spot you'd diagnose me clinically insane
You'd say that I'm definitely not okay
You'd tell me to go see a therapist
To figure out how to get rid of this mind state
Cuz right now I ain't okay