Kinship Lost

Have you ever longed to love someone,
As you naturally would another,
But found you simply could not?

I felt the pain of closeness sought,
Though not of blood, under their wardship brought,
Far from she who birthed and nurtured me,
Witnessed my cries and joys those early years.

Now adrift in waters unknown,
New life brings choices not my own.
Though "new" speaks of hopeful things in store,
In strange soil, no seedlings bore.

At six I'd lived a thousand days,
At nine, death haunted my night and days.
He who swore protection, now affliction brings,
His wife worse shadow o'er me clings.

Cries for help, shared in futility,
Met with pious credulity.
They longed for children, did not see
Love's light dimmed for you and me.

"Learn responsibility!" they ordained,
I but served, all innocence stained.
My education, privilege sold,
This the devil's bargain, as I grew old.

Nothing done ever good enough,
No pleasing those who preach but scoff,
Slaps met with bowed head,
As my inner light softly bled.

Cut. Cry. Die inside.
Cut. Purge. Feel myself slide.
Scar and memory will never fade,
Though that house in dust is laid.

I emerge not new, but old in pain,

What was done, in flesh remains.
Held in heart's darkness, a candle lit,
Waiting to share where shadows flit.

Look lifeless everyday
Being told to smile the pain away
Can't wait to leave

For my mother has now come back
Can't wait to be loved again

Divorce had its toll on me

Now never again
A new hope and a new life lays ahead
Death no longer awaits me at sixteen
Now that they've had children

The pain is biting them back
Feel sorry for the kids

Thought it was just me

But her evil side has finally come out

Can't wait for more
That innocent facade is sliding off
Oh but I'll be gone

I'll watch from afar

God so please help me

I feel guilty for those feelings

I need to forgive

But that pain was too great

Help me heal

Maybe I'll forgive for the sake of salvation

But for now I'd like to enjoy that revenge