Voices

I don't know if I want to live like this anymore
What's the point of living? If you have nothing to live for
My mind is so sore
I have won a couple of battles but eventually lost the war
I wonder if I would be better off in a morgue
I've got money but lately I feel so poor
Cause I can't find happiness
Isn't that the craziest
Thing you have ever heard?
Voices are all I hear
Within my ears
Left and right
Day and night
In and out
They always shout
So:

It's hard to be me
When I can't feel free
Trapped in my mind
All the damn time
With all these dangerous thoughts and voices
Going through my head
Making all these bad choices
Telling me I should be dead
Telling me I am worthless
Saying I am useless
Saying I have no purpose
In this life
God damn, maybe they're right
Why even bother to fight?
Maybe I should just walk into the light
Maybe I should just end my life
Every single night
I cry myself to sleep
Every day feels like a week
Every day I just feel so weak
Don't know how to give
Don't wanna live
Theses voices, telling me so many things
Most of the time I believe them
Don't know what I have become
They're telling me that I don't belong
That I am always wrong
Don't know how to move on
Don't know how to move freely
Don't know if they will ever truly see me

I don't know if I want to live like this anymore
What's the point of living? If you have nothing to live for
My mind is so sore
I have won a couple of battles but eventually lost the war
I wonder if I would be better off in a morgue
I've got money but lately I feel so poor
Cause I can't find happiness
Isn't that the craziest
Thing you have ever heard?
Voices are all I hear
Within my ears
Left and right
Day and night
In and out
They always shout

I always wonder:
What kind of lesson
Is God trying to teach me
With all this depression
He has given me
I just need a blessing
I'm trying to calm down my aggression
I just need some protection
From these voices
It's progressing
And getting worse everyday
I don't want to go to a therapy session
Or get no medication
I don't want to have an addiction
I don't know how to admit
That I have a problem
Don't know how to solve em
Don't want to be dependent
On drugs, that were supposed to make me independent
Not sure if they're even going to help, oh no
I'm afraid of getting help tho
So I don't show
My feelings
Just hide them and put them away
Every single day
I feel this way
What do I have to pay
To just see this pain go away?
How can I persuade
These voices
So I can just see them walk away?
But I know they just want to stay
I don't know what to say
Maybe it's time for me to pray
Maybe I should try to meditate
I can't even think straight
I barely know the date

I don't know if I want to live like this anymore
What's the point of living? If you have nothing to live for
My mind is so sore
I have won a couple of battles but eventually lost the war
I wonder if I would be better off in a morgue
I've got money but lately I feel so poor
Cause I can't find happiness
Isn't that the craziest
Thing you have ever heard?
Voices are all I hear
Within my ears
Left and right
Day and night
In and out
They always shout

People say I need therapy
But I don't want therapy
I just want someone there for me
I can't feel free
With all these negative thoughts and memories
Got so many internal enemies
They tell me so many negative things
They think that they are kings
They think that they are on top
These voices just won't stop
Or leave me be
I can't feel free
When people talk shit about me
I can't move on
From my past experiences
People think my problems are nonexistent
But they are as real as can be
They're always bringing me down
Telling me not to make a sound ( shh, shh )
Telling me not to tell anybody
About my problems
They're controlling my emotions
These voices in my head
Telling me so many negative things
Don't know how to move on
Don't know how to surpass
My past
Kinda just wanna be dead
Put a bullet through my head
Don't wanna be alive
Don't know how to survive
All of my insecurities
All of these voices, but
I know that I'm blessed
But it feels like I'm cursed
Cause everyday these voices just seem to get worse
Somedays it feels like I would be better off in a hearse