My Insecurities

Good thing I don't think out loud
Or all you would ever hear
Is every little thing I'm insecure about
You don't even know the half of it
Every possible thing you can think of
Yup, I'm insecure of it
Certainly, even my own security
Wouldn't be able to save me
From all of my insecurities

My insecurities
Are consuming me
Can't you see?
I'm loosing me
They're all I know
All I hear are the echoes
Bouncing through my mind
Wish I could just rewind
Back in time
When these thoughts never were outlined
In my veins
When no one ever gave a shit about my name
When everyone hated me and thought I was lame
I was happier back then
Back when
These thoughts didn't consume me
When these thoughts weren't so deadly
My insecurities
Are all I see
All I hear
Within my mind
Thinking about them all the time
Insecure about my looks
Insecure about my clothes
Even tho people say I've got a good style
Insecure about my intelligence
Insecure about my own opinions
Don't ever want to speak them
This is only the beginning
Don't have enough time
To list all of my insecurities
That enjoy to haunt me

Good thing I don't think out loud
Or all you would ever hear
Is every little thing I'm insecure about
You don't even know the half of it
Every possible thing you can think of
Yup, I'm insecure of it
Certainly, even my own security
Wouldn't be able to save me
From all of my insecurities

Fuck all my insecurities
That pressure me
To self sabotage
Self betrayal
Self hatred
The ones that push me to get wasted
Even tho I hate it
Just a distraction
From my insecurities
Drinking bottle after bottle
Finishing multiple
I know I need help
But my insecurities
Force me to stay silent
Cause if I speak they will start to get more violent
Keeping me up like damn sirens
They will never be minding
Their own damn business
Haunting me everyday, even on Christmas
Never getting a break
From my insecurities
Soon they'll be the death of me
Constantly
Haunting me
Scaring me
Into my room
Where I barricade myself
Where I spend most of my time
You don't what to know what I do in there
Behind the doors of my bedroom
I'm cutting myself
Bout to pop these pills
Searching up easy ways to kill
Myself
That's what these constant voices and insecurities will do to you

Good thing I don't think out loud
Or all you would ever hear
Is every little thing I'm insecure about
You don't even know the half of it
Every possible thing you can think of
Yup, I'm insecure of it
Certainly, even my own security
Wouldn't be able to save me
From all of my insecurities

Fuck all my insecurities
Gotta get rid of them before they blow like TNT
I'm even insecure about my insecurities
That shit is crazy to me
Don't want to go to therapy
Ain't doing that shit voluntarily
Just wanna break free
From all of my insecurities
From all these insecurities
That got a hold on me
Tight grip around my neck
Like a choke hold
These thoughts can be so bold
So fearless
They'll do anything to hear less
From me
Won't let me speak
Make me feel so damn weak
Can't have my own thoughts anymore
They are always listening
Can't have my own dreams
The voices can be so extreme
Can't have my own ambitions
Making me a victim
A victim of self harm
A victim of self hate
Trust me these feelings ain't fake
Always keeping me awake
Making me pray
That this will be the last day
That I ever have to deal with this
Because I'm struggling to get a good nights sleep
My insecurities keep me up
Like little children who have nightmares
These insecurities just came out of nowhere
I used to love myself
But now I'm always insecure about myself
Looks like it's never going to go away
Looks like I have to finally learn how to deal with my insecurities