Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23^rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

 

Three days before that first appointment
with estimable gastroenterologist
Doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich
regarding upcoming procedure
scheduled for August 17^th, 2022),
unfortunately yielded inconclusive results
meaning the excretory material
not satisfactorily expelled.

 

Though necessary to swallow

four Dulcolax laxative tablets,

plus additionally quaff half
238 gram bottle of Miralax

over span of eight hours,

and if necessary

even apply one Fleets

(or store brand) Enema.

Ideally Vaseline ought be applied
to the enema tip to avoid abrading
sensitive skin surfaces.

The missus located lubricating fluid
she purchased Trojan lubricants

Continuance Essence at Adult World

when a clearance sale
at said store took place.

 

As a more effective modus operandi
aforenamed said specialist
strongly advised taking Su-prep
in place of Miralax, which
two step process already begun

earlier today, which
date mentioned in first line.

 

I grudgingly accept short lived

lower abdominal discomfort
linkedin with gushing watery stools

analogous to reasonable and tolerable

assault upon me derriere
considerably less severe than shigella

tube be worth knowing

nada worry colon cancer

would pose grave threat.

 

I remembered first colonoscopy

specialist named Larry Borowsky
located 525 Jamestown Ave. #101,
Philadelphia, PA 19128
(challenged courtesy hearing difficulty,

hence he wore an auditory device)

treated me some half dozen plus years ago,

yours truly didst solidly waste,
rather subsequently spent

a few hours writing, toil letting,

and crafting the following bupkis
slightly modified to correspond

with present modus operandi treatment.

 

Ask any devotee

of above named gastroenterologists
officious military licensed cheeky knucklers,
ne’er kissed gluteus maximus,
they soldiered thru medical school

despite getting pooped out
rigorous regimen now both know

vital details regarding bowels of human
excretory system, which iz alimentary

and familiar flickering

sleight of hand linkedin

quicken wrist zooms into grab bag
of medicinal tricks - mimics

waving magic wand bitta bang
prestidigitation abracadabra

of anal scope brings – dang
gustatory scenic aerated holy smoker

of a rectum, a wasteland fang
less, but the backside seat,

where dingle berries

 

and/or polyps sometimes hang,
whence undergoing this

behind the scenes procedure
where smelly silent sonnets

from sphincter sprang

most times flatulence

relieved in private place
but, post-op probe
forced air into buttucks,

thus encourage patients

to aerate sterile space
otherwise known as passing gas

scrutinized faces elicit embarrassment

of elderly folks,

who feel self conscious farting in public

before departing from human race,
rearing specialist unheralded doctors

relieves anguish without a trace

which gratitude spurred

crappy attempt to compose verse

to express appreciation

clean bill of health and disperse
anticipatory anxiety, this pooper trooper

endured with pseudo “nurse”

actually mine wife, who nudged me

to undergo examination

lest she bare witness

becoming a widow

following mine hearse
if hypothetical demise did pass,

 

deceased would hear loud curse
analogous to unstoppable enema,

(brought out from downed colyte

consumed for first colonoscopy)
expletives interspersed with my name

exhibiting master card
shark cunning never forgiving

nor forgetting how we happened
to be broke nearly the entire

coup d’état of marriage –

reaching cheeky tush pinching

catatonic state dien rapport,
this generic guy saved

from premature death viz ace sing
examination positive outcome tantamount

with flying colors – at least now,
our two grown darling daughters can

(in Scooby dooby doo doo time), perhaps
if/when they beget

their own children witness longevity

 

courtesy of exemplary doctors
Kellen Karl Kovalovich,

and/or Larry Borowsky,
whose honed trained hands and eyes
adept to scout out and ticket

suspicious cellular demons,
aim of innocuous microbes

to destroy e pluribus unum alone!