Repeat

There once was a girl
Small and cute
Blond and fair
Sweet outside
But a storm in her mind

Her parents bickered
A fight
Every single night

She hid in her room
Tried not to dwell on her doom
Sometimes she was the center
Sometimes she wasn't

Screaming and yelling ringing through
Her very core
Tightrope razor

She played in her room
Door shut
Keep them out
Play with what you see
And what you can't

The screaming
The playing
The blocking out
The repeating

Repeating

Keep repeating...

But at least she was safe
Inside her dreaming

Wonderlands unfolding
To push the dark thoughts away
Just go back to sleep and play

It started with a big
Tall clown
Who, soon, could not bare
To see her frown

And while she slept
They played the night away
In a big fun fair
That, to most, would be a nightmare

And he kept her sleeping
Because she was happy there
But always made sure she would wake

There was a demon out there
Waiting
Watching
But with the clown she was safe

Time went on
As it always seems to
Parents separated
Broken home finally finished
She thought

Wrong

Mother was clingy
Trying to be helpful
Uncertain if honesty or darker

Father was distant
Distracted by his new toy
A new baby boy

She resented him
The new thing that took her father away
The new thing that broke
What little she had

And she watched from
The window
Pained
Staring into a new story

The screaming
The playing
The ignoring
The repeating

The girl's hair darkened
So did the rings around her eyes
Mother kept trying to hold back
Father got a third child

School was the same
As home was

Push and poke
Tease and take
Bottom of the pole means
You're the stepping stone friend

New people like you
Until they find better
Only the lower rungs speak to you
If anyone bothers at all

Don't bother thinking they're friends
If you're lucky they might last a month
If you're not
It will just hurt more

Go back to sleep

Dreams of doing
Everything you love
Making them regret their words
While you pretend they make you stronger

Living in fantasies of life
Where it might be worth living
Instead of spinning
Spiraling

Ideas of anything wrong
Dismissed immediately
By people who are family
Damaging
Self images
I can't display

I can't bear the replay
Play
Play

In my own mind
Because outside it's suffering
So I just sleep
Sleep it off
But always tired

Added to the clown
Was a boy
Small and eager to play
Mischievous and somehow
More broken
But at least she could help him
Be there for him
And him for her If only in her sleep

The demons get closer
As time creeps on
It seems that they might be
Seeping in

The black rings deepen
Around eyes that should be
Beautiful
Blue
But now are hazy
Full of dew

Highschool was just the same
Emotional train wreck
After the last

Pounding and throbbing
Inside her head

Mother got worse
Father used her as a babysitter
While he repeated the same cycle
Soon 3 more would join the wreck

Same screaming
Same playing
Repeat

Now with more casualties
To witness

It's broken
It can't be fixed
Just go back to sleep

Where your skies are blue
As your eyes once were
And there's no dew
Except on the flowers
And ensure you're always tired
Because daydreams are better than this

Soon more characters would join
Pulled from things she loved
Characters she chose
To understand

Maybe if you show love
To what never knew it
It can heal

But that's just a fantasy
You can make in your head
While it burns
And it stings

People come and go
Some people she wished would choose
Many friends would prove to be untrue
If only she wasn't so stubborn
To leave those who wave
So many red flags

And so time drags
Settle into the night
Learn your lesson?
No?
The daylight hurts
It's to bright
As you and your mind fight
Nothing's alright

Because you heard their words
And your head twisted them
Dark
Probably wrong
But you don't know how to fix that
How to fix anything
At all

So...

Watch as the woman
With the teenage brain
Tries to put herself back
Together again

And if you knew what I do
Would you object?
Would you blame her
For the thoughts she has
Of not waking again?

Of living forever
On the other side
Instead of traveling between worlds
One of which she can't bear

Screaming
Playing
Pretending
Repeating

Just go back
To dreaming

The war drums are pounding
The demons are coming
Go back to sleep