Different

I thought this year would be different
Where I would go and make a difference
And I would actually fit in
Where people would listen
To my opinion
But I guess not, guess not
I just thought, just thought
It would be different
Where people would notice
My pure focus
And see that I make good life choices
Despite these fucking voices
But nah, nah
That's not the way it went
I have spent
So much time hating myself
And trying to figure out
What everyone else thinks about me
I know I shouldn't be
Cause it'll lower my self esteem
But it is already as low as can be
Can't you see?

Insecure about everything
From my looks to my intelligence
I feel like I'm irrelevant
From what I wear to what I say
I'm insecure about these things plus more everyday
Raise your hand if you can relate
If you can't, well that's great
These voices will torture you
No matter what you do
They will break you down
They're always around
They can be dangerous
Kind of mysterious
And very spontaneous
Coming whenever they please
Wanting to see me bleed
And fall to my knees
Due to all these insecurities
I just wish it were different
Where I could be happy
Where I could smile
But no no, I always feel crappy
I guess this is just my lifestyle
I just wish it were different

I don't know why these voices are in my head
I don't know why they're telling me I should be dead
I don't know if I should go get some meds
I don't know if I should just lay in my bed
And hope I never wake up again
But this isn't the way I want my life to end
I just wish it were different
I wanna live a long life
I wanna live a long life
But I don't know if I'll be able to make it through the night
I'm starting to walk towards that light
Why can't this be different?
Where I could think positively for once?
Where I didn't shut
Everyone out of my life
I just wish it were different
Where I was done with all of this
I just wish it could have been different