“Weight”

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why does feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders lead me to adding more? Struggling to breathe as I try to get to my feet I contemplate how I got here. The distractions we crave only cause more pain, yet we never know when to quit. So I keep on burying the burdens, trying to move on. I’m lost in a cycle that’s pushing me down. In and out, over and over, but there’s never a release. Choking on emotions that I never let live, I fight to find solid ground. It’s never enough. The chains keep getting tighter as I scream in frustration, knowing I’m the one who put them on. Self-sabotage is everyone’s best-friend and worst enemy. It’s good at seducing, bringing out all the things you desire, and then setting them on fire. I’m sorry are the words we repeat because there’s nothing else to say. I don’t understand why we do this to ourselves? Fighting tooth and nail against the world when all we have to do is let go. But how? That’s the key problem. Just stop. That’s what everyone says, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Using excuses to make us feel better because coping is what we do best. Never happy, just here. Trying to maintain this facade of strength and confidence that never existed. I’m so weak. Weak should be my middle name if it were up to anyone who really knew me. You could say it’s because of my issues, but to be honest I think I was born weak. My brother always says there are wolves and sheep. He’s definitely a wolf and he’s taught me to be one too. The truth is I think I’ve always been a sheep. I've just been raised by wolves so I learned how to pretend to be one. Facades are my key to survival, but survival isn’t the same thing as living. I learned that a long time ago. I just never learned how to actually live. I don’t know if anyone has the answer to that. So we just keep fighting and pretending to be something we’re not, hoping that one day we’ll find the answers we’re looking for.