Frigid Heat

The ache in my bones.

 The cold of my body.

 I sat in a boiling bath to no avail. 

Switch to the shower, maybe it will be hotter. 

I sit on the tile floor, skin turning red, shivering. 

Maybe this ache is deeper than bones. 

The cold I feel– not just from the icy northeastern wind. 

The ache is for the warmth of love. 

It exists here but not as all-encompassing. 

I miss the warmth of the love that exists 2,000 miles away. 

The sweltering heat of being completely understood.

 I wish to collapse in their arms and never get up. 

I wish to be burnt by their soul. 

this cold i can't shake bites at my heart. 

Scalding my skin in hopes it seeps inside. 

The snow being angelic does not remove the isolating distance its presence implies. 

A hard week– 

A trip to the hospital alone–

So far away and scared with the facade of bravery and ease–

Attempting to soothe my moms worries– despite my own increasing tenfold. 

The heating blanket is set to 10. 

I fear it could catch fire. 

Yet how is it I still shake? 

Still freezing in my home

My joints stiff from the cold, my body difficult to move. 

My lungs struggling to take in the air. 

That frigid air. 

I crave the near feverish temperature of Texas summer heat. 

Of picnics and days spent by the pool. 

Only now– without my dog. 

He never got to lay by the fire this winter– 

his favorite time of year. 

Perhaps he loved the way the heat soothed his old bones. 

I fear the same will happen to me. 

Slipping away before feeling the comfort of warmth during the cold.