My Letter

I can't deal with these negative thoughts anymore
I'd rather be dead laying on the floor
Please don't come knocking on my door
Or calling on my phone
I just want to be left all alone
I just want to be all on my own
So I promise you I will not answer
Don't know what's worse
These thoughts or cancer
One a physical pain
While the others all mental
I swear I'm going mental
Please don't be so judgmental
Banging my head off the fucking mantel
Kids please don't follow in my example
Cause you will regret it
I know, I know, no one gets it
And you feel nothing but pathetic
You feel like you're all by yourself
And you know nothing else
Except these thoughts that always creep up on you
Talking about your past
Always needing the last laugh
Haunting your dreams
Hoping you'll scream
Lowering your self esteem
I know what it's like
So here is my letter to you
Telling you that it'll be alright

So this is my letter to all the kids around the world
Who feel like their lives are just emerged
In depression and suicidal thoughts
This is my letter
To tell you to never give up
Even if it seems like you are not enough
Or there are never any ups
Just keep on fighting
Just keep on grinding
Gritting your teeth
Stay strong, even if you feel so weak
And if you ever need something to keep you going
Just know that you are enough
You are tough
Tougher than these thoughts
Just listen to my letter because:

Trust me I know what it's like
Always trying to fight
These demons away
Hoping one day
You'll have happy thoughts
But that will never happen
Do you not see the pattern?
You're happy for a couple of months
Then they're back pounding you down
Like a hammer to a nail
Wanting you to fail
Not succeeding, and ending up in jail
Wanting you dead, trying to kill
Doing it for the thrill
Give me all those bottles of Advil's
About to pop all of these pills
Hoping these thoughts will
Just disappear
Along with all the fear
I can tell the end is near
Gotta get outta here
It's been a really shitty year
I'm hoping the next will be better
So I don't have to write another suicide letter
So I can somewhat piece my life back together
And I will never have to deal with these thoughts again, ever
That's what I wish for
But ain't that what we all wish for
Secretly on our Christmas wish list
Ain't it a bit suspicious
And don't you get a little bit curious?
How some people think these thoughts are nothing but hilarious
My life isn't glamorous
These thoughts just be terrorizing
And mesmerizing
My head
Wanting me dead
Pumping me full of led
The past couple of weeks all I have been doing is laying in bed
Surrounding myself with meds
And I know that I'm not alone
That there are hundreds of thousands of children around the world just like me
Hoping one day that they'll be free
From all the negativity
This is my letter to all of those children who feel just like me

So this is my letter to all the kids around the world
Who feel like their lives are just emerged
In depression and suicidal thoughts
This is my letter
To tell you to never give up
Even if it seems like you are not enough
Or there are never any ups
Just keep on fighting
Just keep on grinding
Gritting your teeth
Stay strong, even if you feel so weak
And if you ever need something to keep you going
Just know that you are enough
You are tough
Tougher than these thoughts
Just listen to my letter because:

I've been there
I've dealt with these controlling thoughts
Longer than you could imagine
But I turned these voices into poetry which is now my passion
So I know that you can also turn all of the negativity
Into something positive
That will give your life purpose and meaning
Something that will help numb the feeling
The feeling of rejection
The feeling of needing protection
The feeling that you're worthless
The feeling that you're useless
The feeling that you have no purpose
You need to turn those thoughts and feelings
Into something positive
Need to turn your life around
It won't be easy by any means
But it is needed
Needed to feel happy
Needed to feel worth it
Needed to find your true purpose
Needed to get rid of all the negativity
Needed to finally feel free

So this is my letter to all the kids around the world
Who feel like their lives are just emerged
In depression and suicidal thoughts
This is my letter
To tell you to never give up
Even if it seems like you are not enough
Or there are never any ups
Just keep on fighting
Just keep on grinding
Gritting your teeth
Stay strong, even if you feel so weak
And if you ever need something to keep you going
Just know that you are enough
You are tough
Tougher than these thoughts
This is my letter
To all the kids who feel like me
Who don't know whether or not their family is trustworthy
Who don't know wrong from right
Who don't know how much longer they can fight
This is my letter
That will hopefully inspire
The kids who feel just like me
This is my letter