Still….

I told the ocean my secrets today even though it is already full.

Overflowing with hopes and dreams.
Something about its depth reminded me that life should not be shallow, and blue, blue is just a state like the ocean and mind.
Sea, as I waded my legs through the waves, waves of inconsistency, self doubt a flush of emotions flooded my feet, and I could not remain grounded when that is all I have ever wanted to be .

still, like the grains of sand beneath my heels
still, because I struggle with this four letter word, that Is the epitome of bliss.
Still, because my my mind has been fucked in ways the ocean will never see.
Still, because I am a conflicted contradiction.

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that, that is the law and the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it

See, chaos and order define me because I'd rather be dramatic than be a hopeless romantic. Even though that is all I ever wanted to be. still