I Hate That I Still Love You

Just when I think that I am starting to feel okay,

Something sets me back, and I find myself crying the next day.

Everything that happened continues to mess with my head,

And all of the words that were said continue to fill me with dread.

Because you blamed me for the way that everything went down,

And I feel like an idiot for even coming to this town.

Because it made me realize how much I was willing to change for you,

And I know now that that is something that you would never do.

I was willing to go all in, but you wouldn’t even meet me halfway,

And if your actions didn’t tell me, it was there with the words that you would say.

You said we were friends, but it was obvious that you never cared about me,

And you would think that after letting you go, I would finally feel free.

But I hate to admit that that is not true,

Because I am still waiting for all of my fantasies to come through.

Everytime my phone goes off, my heart skips a beat because I am hoping it will be you,

And I have to remind myself that you would reach out if you really wanted to.

And it is so hard to let someone go when you wanted it to work so bad,

And everything that happened between us has left me feeling both angry and sad.

Because whether it is true or not, I will always blame myself,

Even though you were the one who took my love and left it sitting there on a shelf.

And I don’t know if there is any hope for us to come back from this,

Because I know that I am someone who you are going to miss.

And despite it all, you still occupy all of my time,

Because I feel like the feelings I had for you were hard to find.

You made me feel complete in a way no one else ever had,

And you filled my heart with joy and it made me feel glad.

To find someone who was as pure and as kind as you,

And who would lift me up whenever I was feeling blue.

And despite it all, here I still am giving you praise,

Because you are in my heart, and on my mind, for all of my days.

And I still love you, but I want to hate you,

But I know that is something that I can not do.