Is love far away,
or longing too close?
Like paper planes we fly
who will part the most?
How many regrets is it going to take?
It’s easy to get up and leave.
Wait until you want to turn back,
like paper planes we were naive,
both falling down a silly track.
I wonder, try to remember
How long has it been?
14 springs saw our white jasmine tree,
one more year, and you win.
How did you spend years without me?
At least in afterlife, I hope we meet
someone please burn and mix our ashes!
Before the unscrupulous wind
comes and blows and scatters.
Two and a half words written on my wing:
`miss you, yours..
-
Author:
rhmn_7 (
Offline) - Published: February 25th, 2024 08:48
- Category: Love
- Views: 28
- Users favorite of this poem: Eugene S., Accidental Poet.
Offline)
Comments8
Is love far away,
or longing too close?
Like paper planes we fly
who will part the most?
This is just brilliant
Happy to hear that, thanks Alan!
Your approach with a question to the reader was a great beginning. It is also a great metaphor with the image of a loved one separated by the distance of a plane flight. Maintaining the theme another great ploy that keeps the reader on track.
"14 springs saw our white jasmine tree,
one more year, and you win."
A wonderful line with the analogy of natures growth compared to the time apart. This makes the poem feel so human and real.
"How did you spend years without me?"
A great finishing line to the previous thought.
"Two and a half words written on my wing:"
This last line makes this a masterpiece. It ties in the first theme and leaves the reader to wonder what are the two and a half words. I can guess but I'm never sure.
Soren you have an eye for details, as always..
A very painful parting, longing even in death to be loved by another. Absolutely beautiful ❤️
Thank you for the kind words Teddy.
A very visual portrayal. I can see the paper planes - excellent analogy. Awesome & tragic poem.
Thank you for the comment Eugene.
Very well crafted rhmn7, separated hearts can bring out the best of poetry. 😊👍
They truly can, thank you..
Your emotion is conveyed well here in this sad situation. Separations can be so difficult. A poignant read and written with skill. A good job done.
I am glad you liked it Cassie, also looking forward to your work!
I am so glad I stopped by on my way elsewhere .. I was not disappointed ..
You are always welcome here, happy you were not disappointed Neville.
I love the metaphor of paper planes, so fragile, as love itself can be, lost but never forgotten. Lovingly & Beautifully versed my friend!
I have a thing for metaphors and asking questions, don't know what's wrong with me. Thank you for your kind words Bella!
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