Galley slave to obsessive compulsive disordered behavior announces...

Fore score minus xv orbitz ago
from being centenarian

strong contractions forced me

to pass thru cervix,

buck naked bare lady,

I ranked as only grandson sharing

same surname as Aaron,

(mine paternal grandfather)

me the sole heir –

foreshortened to Sol Aire

 

evinced scrawniness then (as shown

via ultrasound), which at birth

became crystal clear,

unbeknownst to parents

obsessive hidden compulsive predilection

pronounced with social anxiety affliction

manifested later in life,

whose mental health of mine,

would find me at sea

schooled in counting fish,

 

where I did flounder with anguish,

nevertheless as newborn human being,

the propensity with panic attacks

a decade plus years in future

whereat yours truly

would wallow in despair

meanwhile bundled cuteness

ranked as excelsior,

though said infant

extremely agitated and fussy,

 

I possessed unusual fear

witnessed in scrunched

and furrowed brow

slightly resembled

quirky pissant outlier

tipping the scales

courtesy old fashioned

analog needled gear

greater or lesser

than seven pounds

 

(minus or plus a few ounces)

with a mass of
(the following feature fabricated)

dread fully locked hair,

otherwise a gangly sack

of many lovely bones,

whereat obstetricians

could not help themselves but jeer

thus upon exiting

birth canal found

 

yours truly anxiously twirling loose

kinky follicular fibers according

to medical records prevaricated,

courtesy poetic character sketch,
whose trademark embellishment
endemic beginning to end of poem,
(your job dear reader
to distinguish fact from fiction)

reasonable rhyme now resumes

along current frayed thread

 

stitching baby me finding
strands of hair wrapped around fingers

surmising in retrospect, I felt bored

without access to world wide web

infant versus aging baby boomer

expressed at early stage individuality,

and nonestablishmentarian stance

sporting knotty harried styled

swiftly tailored quasi/pseudo dreadlocks,
gave Medusa a run for her money

(before they were in vogue)

tough as hemp cord

an anomaly, which

no app could compare,

boot nonetheless highly adored

and valued more than fine spun gold

resembling inimitable

indestructible filaments,

when taut could lift

off the ground a board

 

dill low, which no reference

manual could address

even topnotch experts

queried, could not explain

outrageous constituent rare

peculiarity the likes

never seen before,

though still insured,

a novel boot nada

so critical freak

 

of nature ma lord

hirsute component

partitioned in a triple tier moored

substantial pressure upon noggin,

entwining, looping, spilling somehow

interweaving insync with umbilical cord

into a mass of whirled

wide webbed wear suitable for

four seasons, which bamboozled,

grew like Kudzu

 

into an immense

globular mass galore

'bout the size of Rhode

Island) after one year hoar

more, and wove in part

from stem cell threads, nor

ceased proliferating
after birth placenta

accrued intact and
immediately put in cold store

 

room, a by very peculiar product

tinged with strands

of strawberry blond hair

evoking how lioness would roar

cocooning, contriving, and conveying

this tiny dude into self concocted

hermetically sealed giant spore

miniature mummy, who without doubt

looked like a lady

bug hide entombment

 

able to survive thermonuclear war

as a minor subsequent repercussion

the downy side understood,

impenetrable forest

filched countless growing years,

without jesting, when

figurative messed hair em scare em

bedlam reigned as a supreme nest

sans shrieking obsessed

invisible hoodlums

 

broke free their electric kool

aid acid test

from maximum security solitary

confinement investment

for naught busting andirons

weighing down with reinforced

steel trap door cladding

didst not bar

compulsive banshee

like imps of thee pervert,

 

but merely slow down

minuscule limbs

emulated a hitchhiker thumb

upon will could assume

Alaska Bull Worm sized Albatross

shaped anchorage) unsinkable (short

term) screaming, rebelling, quaking,

atomic sized banshee beastie boys,

et cetera with fiery zest.