The Eyes of Domestic Abuse

there's a lot of things they teach you
about domestic abuse
"they'll beat on you,
they'll cheat on you!"
and i never understood
how abuse didn't look like abuse
when it pretended it was good
when it digs its claws into my skin
tender and
his calloused hands
hurt me to bone
that fragile, angelic part of you
you're never prepared
but he lies when he swears
you're his to protect
yet he swallows you in cold
and when the parasite
finally
agonizingly
takes
its claws out from your back
they also don't tell you
you'll want it back
you'll scream and you'll cry
discomfort and fear when
no one holds you at night
you'll stalk his every move
you'll fill in his part of the abuse
drained
like never before
and then you'll hate.
you'll spend each morning
drowning in memories
subtracting the good and
worshipping the bad
you will want to kill him.
and then one day
like all the days before
were only a long, harsh dream
the sun will shine through your lacey white curtains
you will make yourself a normal breakfast
and read the morning paper
you'll fill the day with new friends
and live all your dreams
but sometimes
when the curtains are closed
only glimmers of hope peeking through
you'll cry because you remember
how he used to hold you
as if he never even made you cry
and you'll pull out old pictures
you'll see his soft brown eyes
you won't know why
this feeling consumes you
an itch waiting to be scratched
because when you look into the eyes of abuse
you will want to go back.