“I Miss You”

I miss you….

The idea of you being gone just doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve never been able to handle loss well. Or apparently I handle it too well. 

I miss you…

Thinking of you only brings this numb feeling in my chest I don’t understand. It’s like the memory of you is a cd that’s been removed from the device, my device. 

I miss you…

Words people would expect to be said, but get lost somewhere along my mind. I bury it all because feeling them is foreign to me.

I miss you…

I really wish I knew what that meant. When I see people crying, I get this anxiety pulling in my stomach telling me to run, and never come back. 

I miss you…

Please come back so I don’t have to replace the cd. They come and they go. Playing in my head like a movie that’s glitched. I’m so lost. 

I miss you…

It should have been easy to fall apart after hearing you passed, but time freezes for me. My brain deleting the pain and playing it back from a 3rd person perspective. 

I miss you…

I want to scream that over and over and cry myself to sleep remembering what you meant to me, but nothing. Nothing but the ache that thuds from time to time reminding me that something is wrong.

I miss you…

Listening to sad songs in hopes of bringing you back, and realizing that I’d rather forget. At least that’s what my body does. It’s what it’s always done. 

I miss you…

The beginning and ending of a story I can no longer tell, and I’m sorry. Closing the chapter on what I never thought I’d lose. 

I miss you… 

…….goodbye