Maybe It Was My Fault

This whole time I kept wondering why God did this to me,

Why would he bring someone so amazing into my life, if he knew we were never going to be?

And it broke my heart when you told me you were going to move away,

And I remember going home, and having that run in my mind all day.

I hated the fact that once again someone came into my life, with no plans to stay,

And I tried so hard to shake it, but it ended up bringing me so much dismay.

And I had a feeling that I would be able to make it work,

But unfortunately, this was before I realized that you were such a jerk.

And I tried every way possible to not let you go,

And I am finally starting to see how it is my fault though.

Because God knew from the start he was going to bring you into my life for a reason,

But I so badly wanted to believe that I could keep you around for longer than a season.

I turned my whole upside down,

Even though I should have let you go when you left town.

We ended up at the same school, so our relationship went on,

Even though, at this point, you should have been long gone.

So we hung out and kept in touch for a few more years,

And as happy as I was, during this time, there were also so many tears.

Of trying to figure out, and discover what I could do to make you want me,

And I thought if I changed, then you could finally see.

That this whole time it was meant to be me and you,

But this was something that never came true.

And it wouldn’t have hurt this bad if I had let you go years ago,

Because I wouldn’t need to keep putting on a show.

Like it doesn’t affect me now that you are finally gone,

And I would have realized years ago that you weren’t the one.

God kept removing you from my life, but I so badly wanted to make that change,

But if you were meant to stay in it, then it would have never felt so strange. 

And I wouldn’t be mourning the past four years, and all the memories that we made,

Because there would be no new ones created, and all of the old ones would have eventually fade.