freeze frame:middle school (an ode to the first boy i ever loved)


the song on the radio
makes you think of 
yet another middle school
dance you didn’t want to
be at

but your mother had
already given you the four
dollars for the door fee, and
wouldn’t be back to 
get you for another few hours

and it’s dark in the gym,
atmosphere that feels suffocating
and stagnant to you sporadically cut
through by bright winking lights

the little black dress with the
pink band around the middle is
accentuating all the wrong parts
of your body, and you long for
oversized hoodie, sneakers, and jeans

and the only boy you want to 
dance with, doesn’t want to 
dance with you

still don’t know if you want to
be with him
or be him,

still won’t know, over a decade later,
thought this no longer keeps you up at night

but you want his hands on
your hips, think and hope and pray
that this simple gesture could
ground you in girlhood

and this boy, with his tawny hair
and kind eyes, doesn’t know that
you’re a boy, too

and neither do you, right then
all you do know is that you’re a
girl who feels wrong in her skin,
and even worse in that
little black dress with the pink
band around the middle

and the boy you want to
dance with, doesn’t want to
dance with you 

  • Author: Boaz Priestly (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: March 11th, 2024 17:31
  • Category: Love
  • Views: 4
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  • Lei

    I feel like this poem is super relatable especially for those in the LGBTQ+ community, but for me I don't feel wrong in my skin I feel wrong in my soul, for I am a girl who likes girls but my religious spirit is telling me no but my heart is telling me yes (I should write about this)p.s Thank you for writing such a meaningful poem I really enjoyed it

    • queer-with-a-pen

      I was lucky to not have been raised religious. While that didn’t stop certain types of people from trying to instill in me the fear of god, and burning in hell for being queer, it clearly didn’t work.

      I’ll admit to being agnostic, and with that in mind, I don’t know a lot about the Bible. But I know enough to say with the utmost confidence that Jesus Christ, the man, would be appalled that religion is being used in homophobic ways.

      I believe that it is possible to reconcile your religion with your sexuality, without having to renounce either. It will get easier as you get older. (I also wholeheartedly suggest seeing if there are any Quaker churches near you. That’s the only church I’ve ever felt safe in).

      I wish you happiness and luck in your future, and your journey!

      • Lei

        Thank you!

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