Grasping from a to b

I’m grasping onto what remains left

In these few years of my childhood

I’m not necessarily a kid anymore

So is this my childhood?

But I’m not an adult either

However I’m closer to a then c

What happened to b

-eing a teenager?

What was that meant to be like?

Was I meant to go out, vaping, drinking?

Was I meant to be at home, studying, doing homework?

Was I meant to be sleeping, faking-sick?

Was I meant to be honest, to be told I was lying?

Was I meant to lie, to feel guilty for it later?

I’m yearning for what’s simple right now

But it’s still not that simple

Specific puzzles in this piece just aren’t right for me

Seven super sharp hours seem soo long

Strapped onto a chair surround by those I won’t truly ever know

Cramming knowledge I won’t use till later

Then coming home having to do MORE

Can’t you see, I’m soo tired?

Those puzzles I want to throw out and get rid off

I’m… puzzled.

But those pieces will get replaced

For the better or for the worse?

Maybe I’ll get new pieces on my collection

That I’ll actually enjoy

That I’ll actually use in life

However the stakes are higher

Get a job

Step out of a new zone

Spend your money well

Manage your time wisely

Become more independent

Build or loose relationships

Learn to use public transport

This

unfamiliar ground

Is terrifying

But will hopefully

Hopefully

Soon feel like home

So, instead of grasping onto what remains

In these few moments I have left of my teenhood

I’ll carefully hand-pick

and cherish forever

Before my life takes on a new turn